I Give Up.

I want to tell that i want to give up in loving someone. Those who know me will know who i like the most. I really hope that i can be with her forever but this hope cannot be realize. I struggle a lot because of the hope for a life partner, but it seems that it just a dream. Although it is sad to give up but what i can hope about it? Not to say that im a talent person or a good guy, she have no feeling toward me and i cant create it.

What i can observe already told me that i "MUST" give up. No turning back. If there got miracle, i will be happy but miracle seldom happen to a person like me. My life dont have much miracle happened. Just two miracle happened that i know, one is have good memory power and another is desire and strenght to make higher achievement. Both of it already no more. Just happened at the crusial moment and dissappear.

I know that God have a plan for God's children but i still dont know what God's plan for me. I also hope that my never give up desire will be remain on me. With that, i can work harder and harder to make my life become fruitful.

This year, 1st time become a committee. I dont have any idea what i should do. Committee about commitment to something and do it. I dont have commitment over something. Because of my family barrier, my ownself barrier and i havent earn my own money yet so many things i think i should do support but i cant. Just like as simple as baptize. I got mention to my parent, the result is "You are not mature enough, after you 35 years old then i will agree to let you get baptize". For my ownself barrier, my emotion, my bad habits (that i didn't read books and kids behaviour) and all my practice as a servant in my family also not all really can use it.

For example, eat time. Just to tell a little history of mine. My eating schedule is breakfast 6-8am, lunch 11-12pm and dinner is 5 - 7pm. 7pm and more consider late eat already. When i become regular at church. My lunch and dinner time got different already especially dinner time. After saturday, after clean up everything or have done some activities, normally fellowship dinner would around 8-9pm or 7pm. It is consider my siu yeh. Sunday after bible class, 1.30pm end and delay wait to gather people go lunch together about 2-3pm. So our lunch maybe around 3-4pm. Sometimes i question myself, what it mean that Christian should transform? Is this the transform? Maybe i get the idea wrong of Christian being transform.

Maybe this Christmas i will have a foolish wish. I wish that everyone is united, for those single will found their life partner, those student will have the desire to learn more in studies, those who work will enjoy their work and be able to serve the LORD, the Church will continue to ROCK (Reaching Others for Christ Kingdom) (the word ROCK also equavalent to PETRA) and last is i will regain my confident, my never give up desire and to be a better person.