Really long time i didn't update my blog. Everytime i update sure some negative stuff and yes this time also the same but more worst.
Everytime when got people ask me a simple question "How are you?" and general respond is "Im fine. Thanks" or "Ok le.". I did reply something like that but in my heart i don't want to say I'm not ok. To be honest, i hate to answer that question because I really not ok at all and I don't know how to say out loud or complain about the problem.
Now I only understand a phrase "You cannot please God when you hate a brother". Yes, i did hate few brothers and I consider ex-communicate them. Due to their action and decision they made, the outcome it cause I really cant accept at all. Whatever I did, it didn't please God at all no matter how well or how good i can do it to help others.
This year family camp i really didn't plan to go because they got go and additional i really not enough money to support for this trip so it can be use as an excuse. Well i really cant afford to go.
Due to my financial issue, i also didn't feel like going Korea already because all my saving plan fail and no mood to do anything or go anywhere at all. But I will still go but with different mood.
Got people ask me many times "When are you going to baptize?" and everytime i will give excuse. I did try to go baptizm class but everytime sure fail one because of some family issues. Well this time i really decided to go for baptize at Korea. I really did what i want BUT sadly speaking after so many things happened and my problem with brothers still havent settle and i dont have any good testimony to share out. I don't feel like going to baptize and I don't feel like I'm christian and not worthy to be saved.
Whatever already happened and it cannot change back. All these thing happened under God control and I don't know his purpose of allow this to happened at all. Whether right or wrong, I have no right to question God. I really hope that God will reveal the answer and give some guidance to me on what should i do.
Sorry that I hide all this problem to myself for this long and didn't share at all. If you know me well, you will know I won't simply share such problem to anyone at all.
As a conclusion, I have nothing to say....
