1st Time!!!

This is the first time, my parent going to see me perform something on stage. The last time i perform dancing is when i was in kindergarden time. My performance very poor that time even now i also the same. Well this Sunday is meet the parent day as my church organize this activities for everyone to bring their parents to church and have an appreciation day. That day i involve in song presentation title "We will Love" is a cantonese translation. My voice not nice all the time and i hope that i can sing better on that day.

My eye seem very weak because always face computer and less rest. I should take care of my eye but some how, i keep on repeat the same things like watch movie until late night at computer. Not only my eye are weak, my body also getting weaker. This happen maybe i didnt exercise often. Need to schedule my time to do exercise.

As for my result, im still cant confirm what i get. Actually for me 1st class or 2nd upper class is not a big different because it just different by 0.01 point. Well for employer maybe they will look at it but i think performance is the best thing to measure a person at work. How knowledge you are might not help you at work if you cant apply it in your work or your life. Similar with a Christian who also need to learn God words, practice it and apply it in our life to show our testimony to people about Christ. Well i'm still long way to go to become that level.

After I start working for two weeks, my colleague ask me what is my dream. I unable to tell him because my dream already achieve and i have no dream currently. You may guess what is my dream then? Well my dream is so simple, when i was in form 5, i want to study form 6 because everyone said form 6 is the difficult study to go. I manage to study form 6 and get good result. Then achieve already. While i study in form 6, i want to study university and get 1st class honor degree. Well i still cant confirm what i will get. Even i didnt get, what i think is i also achieve my dream and i get 1st class honor degree because i already complete the course. For now, i dont have anything to achieve. I dont dare to have dream because i know that i unable to achieve it currently for example a good career, future partner and family. All i just want to do know is to renew my strength and hope to walk in the path that God had set for me.

Finish the race!!!

At last, this morning i can see my result. Before i see it, i really scare that i get bad result. As a result, i get satisfied result only, not the good or brilliant result. I tought that i fail to achieve the goal i set at the beginning of my university (which is 1st class honor degree) but when i scroll to the bottom, i saw 3.500. I nearly fail to get it and i really didn't expect i still can achieve it. Finally i finish my race as a uni student and achieve my goal.

I'm really thankful that during school time with the help from my friends namely Charles, Fang, Zong Ming, Siew Teng (Sehela), Terry, Weng Kee and Hui Xian in assignment, tutorial and exam. I wish that everyone dont feel dissappointed even we get unexpected result because we graduate together.

Although this happiness just for a short moment of time, it is a memorable things and it is our history.

On the way to a Smile

I wish i could smile everday. Either joy or sad, i want to face it with a smile.

Exhaust....

Just after exam straight away go work, i feel tiring. What to do, not enough money to support myself and being force by my mother. Just obey, no harm. Just pass 1 week and I already feel this tiring. I think is because i lack of exercise and didnt sleep much.

My physical body and my spiritual body feel exhaust. Maybe i force myself too much and use up more energy during study and no time to renew my strength. I plan to have rest until camp end then start working but my plan fail. I dont know when i can renew my strength as well as my heart.

My heart dont have any excitement feeling anymore since I fail to attract the one I love. I understand that this world still got people nicer or better than her but my heart still cant move away. Until now i keep on trying to control myself not to like her. I guess, i still not mature enough to handle this problem of mine.

Everything for me seem to be nothing can be done successfully. Until now, i still cant perform the best i can do. Probably because im physically or spiritually weak and my heart some short like not motivated. Hopefully i can recover as soon as possible so that i still can keep moving forward. not just waiting and die.

I always like this words "Life Goes On" because i know that my life is not easy.

Zero and Henri. v(^_^)v

Exam finish

Today exam finish. Still waiting for result. I cant expect what result i could get other than fail. I really cant do anything else.

This year camp confirm cant go. Mother say "CANT GO!!!" so what i can do? I already fight for it. I also plan it clearly what i should do to go camp even i already get the permission to take leave. What wrong with me going to camp. I already cannot stand on stress. I dont even found anything to release other than just work, eat, at home sleep and repeat the same thing over and over again.

I already reach my limit. No more freedom, no more free will. I rather become an Angel even Angel dont have free will. What i prefer that i have a pair of wing and freely fly at the sky.

Final Battle!!!! Ready!!!! GO!!!!!

Three years study in UTAR and now reach the end of the course. Study for so long just to wait this moment to come. This saturday is my first paper and my last paper is on May 4.

Early this year, i always post something negative tought about my study and i already pass that critical moment. Now just left this last exam but i still feel like not enough motivation or encouragement to move on. This feeling is similar to my form 5 situation where last moment i feel like half way no motivation. This time totally no motivation to move on and feel scare and dont know what is the result.

I guess who read this will scold me because i havent begin or havent try, how do i know my result? Well i really hope that i can pass this last exam and hopefully can fulfill my selfish desire to get first class honor degree title. Based on my performance, i dont deserve to archieved it but i will try to get it. Currently i dont have any future dream other than this dream to get 1st class honor degree title. I set this dream during my second semester in UTAR. I guess this is my last dream that i ever dream off.

Will i be able to fight till the end? I wish I can win my old self compare now.

Nevertheless, I hope that everyone same batch with me will archieve good result and found a better job afterwards. Hope to see everyone graduate at the same time.

Managing your wealth

Today sermon talks about managing your wealth (i forget the title but it is similar). As we all know wealth is about money but as christian perspective, wealth not only meant for money, it also meant for talent, ability or the things that belong to us. There is one point really hit me that mistake will cause you fail to manage your wealth. I make an unnecessary contract. Due to this mistake, my parent need to spent RM100++ for the fees for three years and another things is i didn't attend the things that i make contract with. I really fail to manage my wealth and because of my mistake, my parent going to suffer. It is my debt and later i will pay it when i come out to work.

After the sermon, there is a chairing and today is my turn to share something. I didnt prepare well for my message and i just simple stand on the stage and share don't know what and i feel that i really dont have the talent to speak. This is my mistake and i know Deacon didn't blame me on that but i feel really useless because i study so much but unable to share something to benefit others or encourage others.

Beginning of this year, i already feel like unable to perform well in the things that i do. What should i do? Why i turn to be like this? If this continue on, i scare i unable to perform well in my final exam. Im very scare about it. I should renew my strength so that i still have a chance to overcome the problem that i face. I hope that there is an encouragement or motivation to push myself to reach another limit.