Reflection

Yesterday i got join cell group but i reach there late because i got something to do. They already started and i just miss one point they talks about Proverbs chapter 2 verse 1 but the second part is about vere 2-4. The second part i feel like God is telling me something important. When i look back my life. Since i enter University. First year first semester, i got some confidence in few subjects becuase i already learned during Form 6. The next semester, something happen and cause me no more confidence in doing anything. From that moment, i begin to study something without learn it. All the while i just study for the purpose to archieve high grade but it doesn't picture myself as a knowledgable person. Sometimes im wondering, a poor in education person like me will deserve to get those grade without learning anything. Proverbs chapter 2 verse 2-4 make me know that if we want to seek something, we have to be like finding hidden treasure. What i mean is, if you want to find hidden treasure, first of all need the hidden treasure map. Study it, analyze it in detail so we will find the best way that lead me to find the treasure. At the same time, we also might think of those trap set to prevent people obtains those treasure. All the while, i just read and memorize notes without really study in deep and question about what,why,when,how on the things i learn. I really waste a lot of time without learning anything. If i realize all this earlier, i wish to change before it really happen. What is pass already pass. I hope that I wouldn't repeat the wrong step that i take. Another things that i wish to change is my heart. I feel heartache when i do something or saw something that i dont wish to do or see. And my emotion change all the time. Why i become so dynamic? Im train to be stable person. I think i didn't learned enough to do in my life. Many things i wish to do such as complete my degree, start my career, get my life partner and give a good life to my parent before they leave this world. I know that im not good at all, i wish I can find new motivation to move my heart to break through all my difficulty. Many know that Im a happy person but im also a cry baby when i alone because i face many difficulty alone and think about my future alone without sharing with others. I know that God is always with us but I fail to keep close with God. My heart always gone astray and my emotion always change. I hope that my emotion, heart and soul will move same direction and push me towards the Goal that God already set for me. Im sorry that im not good at all.