Year End!!

Time pass so fast. Since last year carolling until now already past one more year. This year is a meaningful year for me because there are different things happen in me and others. Many good and bad things we all went through this year and hopefully all the lesson we learn or experience will not forget and not repeat the same mistake again.

As for me, many trials to face such as family, work, friends and even myself. There are many responsibilities and decision have to make in order to survive or to continue to serve one another. I have fail many times to complete all this but really want to give thanks to God for HIS grace is sufficient for me and as my shepherd who teach me and guide me through the things i face. Without such support, I dont know what will happen now or where i will be.

I always believe that if God allow things to happen then it will happen as God will whether good or bad, there will be lesson to learn so that we can grow in maturity and spiritual growth. Christmas almost come and I have no time to prepare since now got 4 kids in the house. So as usual will help out to take care of them. Everyone also need to add oil in everything they do.

My Favourite: Psalm 23.

Relationship....

This is my personal experience and discovery about relationship between a man and a women.

Man wish to have relationship but once they have it they just dont care it/ appreciate it.
Women wish to have relationship and when they fell so much and appreciate it.

Many times we heard a couples will complain about their companion and they plan to change that person to be a perfect or to be suitable to them. But one thing i found that people heart cannot be change just like that. I heard so many times arguement and complain about how bad this person is but his/ her partner still never give up on that relationship even may concern about life and death. Taking an example, we might heart about people violating their partner, punish them or maybe torture them but they still wont give up the relationship that started. This happen especially to women.

I'm not saying there is no good man but women did show their faithfulness to their life partner but man didn't appreciate it at all. Man didn't many wrong things and unforgivable but no matter what women will show forgiveness and hope to change the man behaviour. In fact, man behaviour will never change. Their attitude will never change at all. They may change for temporary but ended up repeating the same mistake again and again.

Now I understand how difficult Moses job to bring God's people to the promise land where he predicted that God's people will surely forget about God.

So far, I haven't see people totallt 180 degree change/ transform themselve to a better person. I believe that God can change people heart but if that person really dont want to change it, it would not change at all. In everything we do, we must take initiative first then surely God will help us to improve ourselves to be a better person.

RM50

This is a story told by a cancer patient.

There is a rich man who organize an auction in a big hall. He invited everyone to go to this auction meeting. The meeting started once everyone invited is arrived. He begin by asking this question. "Today i will give out one RM50, who want this RM50 please raise up your hands!". All the guest after heard this everyone raise up their hand. Then the rich man take the RM50 and scrunch it into small round shape. He asked again. "I give out these RM50, who still want it?". 50% of the guest raise up their hand. Then the rich man throw the small round shape RM50 on the floor and step on it. The RM50 become more dirty. He ask one more time. "Now these RM50 is not in good form and dirty, anyone here still want it?". Only few people raise up their hand.

That is the end of the story.

What is the lesson of that story?
- Imagine ourself is the RM50. When we are perfect condition, everyone want to take it.
- When our condition become less perfect, half of the people want to take it.
- When our condition is totally bad, still got small amount of people want to take it.

The main lesson is we should live to the best of our life.
Do not under estimate a person who are suffering, that person still have his value and is the same value that can benefit others.

Like a cancer patient, they seems to be like the RM50 condition after being scrunch and become dirty, not much people will want to take it but his value is still RM50. Why not just take it and make use of it fully? For all these person gone through suffering, they know how to live their live fully by live their best for every single moment like everyday is their last day and they surely appreciate every moment and still able to give encouragement to people. We seems like far more perfect than cancer patient but why we cant live our best in our life?

All these answer should leave to yourselve to think and decide.

Completely fail...

Long time ago, i was a failure. In my childhood time, i fail so many times such as learn tek kwon do, learn crayon art, learn to calculate mathematics using the chinese calculator (suan pan), tuition and many more.

When i reach form 4, i do realize what is most important and able to encourage me to move forward and I did success. What i do and it will success such as persevere and commitment to attend tuition class without fail. Never give up and learn from mistake was my moto to encourage me to move on.

All the while i keep success and getting higher and higher success but all this doesn't mean anything to me now. Now i'm back to a failure situation. I fail to do what i want and wish to do, i fail to persevere, i fail to control myself and i fail to love.

All the while, i tought of learn to be advisor to encourage people but now i fail to do so. My heart, mind and soul doesn't seems to be united as i did last time during form 4. Now seems like fighting against one another. My heart feel so pain when I desire to love. I dont understand why people can't give up when they really love a person and now i did. I just feel the same way as they did. I do love but i dont know why i cant just give up and find another right person since i already rejected so many times. Why do other people so easily to get into relationship? How they do it and how they really found the right person? I dont have the answer.

Im turning back to my failure moment and i just feel like dont want to do anything and just stop the clock and be empty. I hardly move forward these day. Why i get involve in these at the beginning? Im not worthy at all. I completely fail.....

Henri = Zero

Lost Memories

Few days back, i was doing my room keeping (quite messy. Haih). So i start from my old recycle paper box and remove some old papers/books so that can fill new useful paper in. I discover so many paper that i use during my Form 6 and University time. Looking back at the work i did written in the paper reminds me back many moment that happen during University life. All the battle that went through with friends such as assignment, presentation, project and exam. Even i discover all my exam slip still there (^_^) Hehe...

So fast already one year pass after graduation and depart from school. Any progress in working life? Still the same and didn't earned much. So many responsibilities that need to take care when become an adult such as family members, work place and church. All this is just my training ground to make me a better person, like what my Sunday School Teacher tell us that this world is just a training ground for us to get us prepare to go to Heaven and now i really understand his mean. There are a lot of things to learn from a person experience and this is the way i learn things.

"Looking at the past memories to encourage us to move forward".
I hope that everyone will see their past memories (whether good or bad or even nothing significant) not to make them sad and emo but to really move forward and not repeat the mistake that done in the past.

"We can't change the past but we can change the future".
This is call HISTORY.

Song of Praise

Today I didn't go to church because I already make a promised with my cousin to attend his convocation ceremony at UCSI. So at first I was thinking that I'm gonna miss church again and feel a bit guilty and sad. When I was going there about 2pm something, I still feel that I'm guilty and go inside the hall and take a sit inside while waiting the ceremony to start.

One thing that surprise me that is the music they broadcast. I can't never imagine that they broadcast instrumental song that is very familiar, which is from the Song of Praise. At that moment, I feel very happy and amazed that how this can happen, at this kind of ceremony they broadcast this kind of music and I start to sing in my heart (but some i forget the lyrics (TT_TT)). At that very surprise moment, I feel that God still with me even though I'm not going to church to worship and I feel my surrounding is full with song like worshiping God at church.

When I think back, all the time, God is approaching me everywhere I go, when I'm not happy, God will be there and encourage me by anything that surrounding me. The Word of God, the Song of Praise and some inspiration moment surely will approach me. I really enjoy the moment that the music was broadcasting and I enjoy singing in my heart.

I really thankful that whatever I do and wherever I go, I can feel God present is there and will encourage me all the time. What I did is just quiet down myself and listen.

Quiet Moment

Long time I didn't enjoy sitting down, think and talk to myself what I wanted to do next.
Life become more and more meaningless, keep doing things for other. Really less time and almost reach 0 time for myself.

Very happy to know someone getting married. One of my classmate getting married soon on September and one of my Brother in Christ same age with me also going to married on that month. Just realize it whether it will crash my schedule or not. My friend wedding on Saturday so will go Bentong on Friday night, stay over and become Brother.

Feel like very lonely see people around getting their best partner to accompany. Although i already get use to is to be lonely and now have the same feeling like old time do everything by my own (so call lonely life).

Many things happened around me, nothing i can do much to encourage people because not enough skill and not experience enough to give words of encouragement. If got also just absorb from somewhere but never have face to face experience in it so will still lacking of understanding.

I hope that everyone will have a silent moment reflect back what they have done from the day they born until now. As for me, whatever things that i done in the past (got happy moment as well as the sky is falling down moment) will encourage myself to look forward for the things happen later.

P/S:
My tuition teacher always say. Life is always up down up down. This will make our life more meaningful rather than become constant straight line where we seem doing same things over and over again like a robot which dont have any feeling at all even though we paint it, kick it, cut it or destroy it.

Have a Quiet Moment!!!

Challenge

Again i been challenge by my family. Lately i always go out, for movie and majority for church. I really didn't help much in my family (Such as taking care of my sis kid). Then my mother will raise this question, always go to church, no need to care about family la? Last time, i always have this thinking, im not busy but my parent busy will involve me. Sometimes i think that if im gone then nobody will do the things anymore? All the while i been trained to be home base but seems like everything change since i serve in church. Sometimes i think that i better to settle this by giving up my service at church then i just back to my old life.

Well my christian brother's and sister's might think that im stubborn that the most important things is our soul but im not sure do they really know how it feels like? Like our hand, both side also fresh, one side get hurt, the hand will feel the pain. I do envy that those who have freedom to do what they want to do, not to consider about bad things, consider the things that not harm people and to help one another such as what we did at church.

All the time, i facing this challenge and i try to perservere but, i don't know how long i stand on this challenge. Maybe few more times, i will totally end my christian life. All the things i did is useless. I hope that no matter where i may be, either back to my old life or continue my christian life, my decision will be a correct decision.