Long time didn't update anything, so just put some update on my blog. Last saturday was a full activities day for me, first is my relative wedding at Sungkai, Perak, second is my church Carnival, then my colleague organize skytrax at Putrajaya and finally one of my uni friend going to Brunei to work and have gathering/ farewell dinner. Among all the activities, i have no choice but have to follow my parent to my relative wedding dinner. Many things happen during carnival such as big prize like sony walkman mp3 player(Not clear the details) and 2 Ipod Nano to be win. Haha like usual good things not belong to me so i didnt have a chance to play and win.
During the wedding dinner, the table that i sat only got 8 peoples so i guess i have a chance to take more on sharkfin soup and yet i did eat for 3 bowls and make my stomach full. The rest of the dishes i just took little because i took 3 bowls of sharkfin soup.
The next day surely go to church for morning worship. As usual i late reach church. That time i feel really tired because saturday night i went home i still watch movie before sleep watch until 1pm. After the bible study just went for lunch with bro and sis in Christ at Cheras Leisure Mall nearby eat Thai food. Im not good at eating spicy food so i order Khao Pat Pattaya (Pattaya Fried Rice) and it taste not bad. The main receipies is tomato, egg, rice and fried rice recepies but i still tasted abit spicy. Haih. Who create this spicy food. I really cant take it.
This morning, i feel more tired but i still have to force myself to wake up and go to work. Suddently my stomach not feeling well and i having diarrhea. Too bad and i have to take MC and rest at home. I take this time to watch movie and rest to recover from my diarrhea. Long time i didnt sleep so much and think something that i never think of. I realize my fear while i sleeping. In the past, sometimes i will fear while sleeping and long time i never feel the same thing again until today. What i fear is I fear "I'm alone". Yes, i can say i have less fear but the greater fear of mine is lonely. I keep on thinking that what would i be when im lonely? the time when i parent pass away, what will happen and how im going to react after that? or all my relative all gone and left me alone? I really fear that i will be lonely that time. Although now i have all of them with me now but i know one day, they will not with me anymore.
I'm still very weak in thinking, in reacting and weak in become a mature and wise person. I still very naive in thinking and making decision. Sometimes i feel lost and sometimes i unable to find any solution on it. Christmas is coming and almost reach year end and new year. The group is going to depart and form another new group. I feel i want to participate in the Christmas sketch but i know myself that im not talented in it and might spoil the whole things. Why i have this feeling being abandon because im not involve in that sketch? Maybe also because im scare im lonely and left behind.
Well tomorrow need to back to work or else i cant finish the task given and cannot celebrate Christmas although i dont have money to celebrate this year. I hope that after this year, new year i will be more strong and brave in facing the future ahead me.
