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Rededication

2012-01-01T22:05:00.000-08:00

Many times I have ignore what God want to tell me until the new year eve message from Brother Yow Looi, really open my mind that from the day I accepted Christ until now I have gone through so many things. At this moment, I realize that I'm in the process of facing this greatest trial that might decide I'm belong to Christ or not.

God allow everything that happened to me with a purpose to test my faith. He know that I'm able to handle this as in the Bible did mention that God would not put any trials that is greater than what you can handle. I'm still weak at the moment and I really want to rededicate myself to God and let Him take control of my life.

This is my prayer:
May Lord guide me to walk through this trials of mine and the result of this will make me a better person. Teach me to focus on God's word and be able to encourage one another as I have more responsibilities as a monitor in the SDC class and set aside relationship matter for God will provide everything to those who seek the Kingdom of God first. And the last thing is may I be able to decide to get baptize as a result of I'm belong to Christ.

May my prayer is acceptable to you Lord. Amen.

This Sunday I might not be able to fully join the morning worship until finish the SDC class as I need to help my mother in babysitting. May God open a way and will grant me 2 hours free to join SDC class to study God word.

This is what I wish for...

In the most downcast moment...

2011-12-30T07:14:00.000-08:00

I'm in the most downcast moment, the things that i fear the most is seperation. All the while I been hiding myself from many people that I really would like to have close relationship with one another. I really enjoy every single moment with the people I know but I didn't show it out so obviously.

After many years starting from my school time, many friend that I know already walk away from each other, some may still gather but some already lose contact. Some may give up on study and some may continue to further study. I know one day we all will be seperated therefore I would not want to consider anyone as best friends or close friend as I dont want to feel the sad moment of seperation. When people go away, I just consider that is a normal when I didn't really close with them.

Every person that I know is important to me, when I really know and decided to love a person and really want to commit in relationship, why all this thing happened that seperate each one of us into pieces. I dont have a chance to really convince her to accept me but ended up we been seperated. Although we may see each other but not as frequent as in the past.

I consider myself not to love anyone anymore but why suddenly my heart change and love the one that important to me. I dont want to face all this seperation again because of I being rejected. Why... I would like to keep this close relationship rather than to have all this kind of sadness but why...

Many important people already left and now I consider 4 persons is important to me now and i dont wish seperation would happen among us. If I can choose between half people left and half people remain or I go that all will remain together then I would choose I go that will keep everyone together. It would at least make me feel better and I will be alone as usual.

Now I feel God is not with me but when I think deeper, is my heart that move away from God than to continue to see anymore seperation happen among the people that I know, people who is important to me and people that I love. This is the real me.

I have nothing to say...

2011-09-25T07:16:00.000-07:00

Really long time i didn't update my blog. Everytime i update sure some negative stuff and yes this time also the same but more worst.

Everytime when got people ask me a simple question "How are you?" and general respond is "Im fine. Thanks" or "Ok le.". I did reply something like that but in my heart i don't want to say I'm not ok. To be honest, i hate to answer that question because I really not ok at all and I don't know how to say out loud or complain about the problem.

Now I only understand a phrase "You cannot please God when you hate a brother". Yes, i did hate few brothers and I consider ex-communicate them. Due to their action and decision they made, the outcome it cause I really cant accept at all. Whatever I did, it didn't please God at all no matter how well or how good i can do it to help others.

This year family camp i really didn't plan to go because they got go and additional i really not enough money to support for this trip so it can be use as an excuse. Well i really cant afford to go.

Due to my financial issue, i also didn't feel like going Korea already because all my saving plan fail and no mood to do anything or go anywhere at all. But I will still go but with different mood.

Got people ask me many times "When are you going to baptize?" and everytime i will give excuse. I did try to go baptizm class but everytime sure fail one because of some family issues. Well this time i really decided to go for baptize at Korea. I really did what i want BUT sadly speaking after so many things happened and my problem with brothers still havent settle and i dont have any good testimony to share out. I don't feel like going to baptize and I don't feel like I'm christian and not worthy to be saved.

Whatever already happened and it cannot change back. All these thing happened under God control and I don't know his purpose of allow this to happened at all. Whether right or wrong, I have no right to question God. I really hope that God will reveal the answer and give some guidance to me on what should i do.

Sorry that I hide all this problem to myself for this long and didn't share at all. If you know me well, you will know I won't simply share such problem to anyone at all.

As a conclusion, I have nothing to say....

Parent Appreciation Day!!

2011-05-22T05:41:00.001-07:00

Today I'm very happy to have dinner with family. My sister also got come for dinner after work. It's been a long time for me to have a dinner outside because most of the time go to church and hang out with my best friend. This dinner i really enjoy and I consider this as my parent appreciation day. Therefore, I didn't join the outreach night at church today. Hehe.

For the past few days, I received a gifts from my colleague who is getting marry this week. The picture below is the gift from her as a token of appreciation.

As you can see, the box is in love shape. When open that time i found "Food". Hehe is "Ferrero Rocher". That box can fit 6 Ferrero Rocher with a small note written:

Our Wedding

22nd May 2011

Cindy Lim & Clement Lee

this gift to you from our heart is

a little token of appreciation for

being part of our life.

No reciprocate gesture

of gift is required.

Such a nice gift from her (Cindy Lim) and when i ponder the box, i feel like not willing to eat the Ferrero Rocher because it decorate so nice. My my temptation to eat it very high. So at the end, I ate one. (TT_TT). So left 5 in my refrigerator. Just now i plan to eat one but when i open my frige, THERE IS NO MORE. (TT_TT).

There is another gift from another colleague to her. It is a tissue box made by clay (handmake).

It is very nice with some small flower. There is a message written there but i couldn't remember exactly.

That's all what I have to say. Enjoy "Parent appreciation day" with your love one.

Back to normal

2011-05-04T05:16:00.000-07:00

After the bible quiz, i rest about 2 weeks playing games and watch movie. Now have to start enhance the Petra System to have new features such as background picture and sync program. The sync program is quite hard to do and need to do more research about it.

Other than that, I'm very headache preparing for youth camp gala night costume. Now still have no idea what to do and how to do it. Hopefully will be able to prepare something to bring the Gala Night event more excited.

Today....

2011-01-08T05:21:00.000-08:00

Today as usual babysitting at home and cant go out to church. My mother sick already plus got 3 kids in the house so i just help to watch over them and accompany my sis son to sleep because he also sick too. Then while he already sleep, i try to use my PSP to check mail because carry my laptop seems not so convenient and the kid might not go to sleep and keep watching what im doing with my laptop. So i bring my PSP small and can hide while check email and browse internet.

Honestly speaking, browse webpage using PSP is not that good because it open very slow. Check email still ok but browse other will take some times (roughly 1-2 minutes maybe my Internet line slow gua). Then after i check mail, i try to watch youtube clips but sadly speaking unable to load the video (T_T). Nowadays all the webpage design with integrated so many plugins, codes, flashs, advertisement and etc which cause the loading very slow and consume a lot of bandwidth because of big file size webpage. So if we not using highspeed enough really need to wait very long in order to completely display the webpage.

Now I'm still considering few things to upgrade my stuff.
1) Change Handphone (due to my phone battery overcharge, keypad need to press hard, keypad light die off but still function well)
2) New laptop (due to my desktop consume some spaces, if possible buy one powerful laptop for myself to do video, graphic or do programming and my current laptop will be use by my parent to save space (^_^)V )
3) Subscribe unify (Need to move to new house only start to subscribe. Dont know available or not)

If possible i want to sell off my Gundam Model Collection because i really no interest in collection model anymore. Yesterday night went to time square for movie with one brother in christ. When i reach there i straight away go to Gundam shop and see any new gundam. Yes, it have, Strike Freedom Perfect Grade (RM 799.00 (^o^) WoW ) and many new Sangokuden gundam. But i feel no interest to buy even i afford it and in the end i just bought the new Gundam OO the movie RM9.90 (^_^). This is the first time Gundam VS Alien in the whole history of Gundam (What is that?????). Well the movie still bring some meaning.

Tomorrow is another day of babysitting. Haihz.....

Year End!!

2010-12-10T07:17:00.001-08:00

Time pass so fast. Since last year carolling until now already past one more year. This year is a meaningful year for me because there are different things happen in me and others. Many good and bad things we all went through this year and hopefully all the lesson we learn or experience will not forget and not repeat the same mistake again.

As for me, many trials to face such as family, work, friends and even myself. There are many responsibilities and decision have to make in order to survive or to continue to serve one another. I have fail many times to complete all this but really want to give thanks to God for HIS grace is sufficient for me and as my shepherd who teach me and guide me through the things i face. Without such support, I dont know what will happen now or where i will be.

I always believe that if God allow things to happen then it will happen as God will whether good or bad, there will be lesson to learn so that we can grow in maturity and spiritual growth. Christmas almost come and I have no time to prepare since now got 4 kids in the house. So as usual will help out to take care of them. Everyone also need to add oil in everything they do.

My Favourite: Psalm 23.

Relationship....

2010-11-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

This is my personal experience and discovery about relationship between a man and a women.

Man wish to have relationship but once they have it they just dont care it/ appreciate it.
Women wish to have relationship and when they fell so much and appreciate it.

Many times we heard a couples will complain about their companion and they plan to change that person to be a perfect or to be suitable to them. But one thing i found that people heart cannot be change just like that. I heard so many times arguement and complain about how bad this person is but his/ her partner still never give up on that relationship even may concern about life and death. Taking an example, we might heart about people violating their partner, punish them or maybe torture them but they still wont give up the relationship that started. This happen especially to women.

I'm not saying there is no good man but women did show their faithfulness to their life partner but man didn't appreciate it at all. Man didn't many wrong things and unforgivable but no matter what women will show forgiveness and hope to change the man behaviour. In fact, man behaviour will never change. Their attitude will never change at all. They may change for temporary but ended up repeating the same mistake again and again.

Now I understand how difficult Moses job to bring God's people to the promise land where he predicted that God's people will surely forget about God.

So far, I haven't see people totallt 180 degree change/ transform themselve to a better person. I believe that God can change people heart but if that person really dont want to change it, it would not change at all. In everything we do, we must take initiative first then surely God will help us to improve ourselves to be a better person.

RM50

2010-10-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

This is a story told by a cancer patient.

There is a rich man who organize an auction in a big hall. He invited everyone to go to this auction meeting. The meeting started once everyone invited is arrived. He begin by asking this question. "Today i will give out one RM50, who want this RM50 please raise up your hands!". All the guest after heard this everyone raise up their hand. Then the rich man take the RM50 and scrunch it into small round shape. He asked again. "I give out these RM50, who still want it?". 50% of the guest raise up their hand. Then the rich man throw the small round shape RM50 on the floor and step on it. The RM50 become more dirty. He ask one more time. "Now these RM50 is not in good form and dirty, anyone here still want it?". Only few people raise up their hand.

That is the end of the story.

What is the lesson of that story?
- Imagine ourself is the RM50. When we are perfect condition, everyone want to take it.
- When our condition become less perfect, half of the people want to take it.
- When our condition is totally bad, still got small amount of people want to take it.

The main lesson is we should live to the best of our life.
Do not under estimate a person who are suffering, that person still have his value and is the same value that can benefit others.

Like a cancer patient, they seems to be like the RM50 condition after being scrunch and become dirty, not much people will want to take it but his value is still RM50. Why not just take it and make use of it fully? For all these person gone through suffering, they know how to live their live fully by live their best for every single moment like everyday is their last day and they surely appreciate every moment and still able to give encouragement to people. We seems like far more perfect than cancer patient but why we cant live our best in our life?

All these answer should leave to yourselve to think and decide.

Completely fail...

2010-10-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

Long time ago, i was a failure. In my childhood time, i fail so many times such as learn tek kwon do, learn crayon art, learn to calculate mathematics using the chinese calculator (suan pan), tuition and many more.

When i reach form 4, i do realize what is most important and able to encourage me to move forward and I did success. What i do and it will success such as persevere and commitment to attend tuition class without fail. Never give up and learn from mistake was my moto to encourage me to move on.

All the while i keep success and getting higher and higher success but all this doesn't mean anything to me now. Now i'm back to a failure situation. I fail to do what i want and wish to do, i fail to persevere, i fail to control myself and i fail to love.

All the while, i tought of learn to be advisor to encourage people but now i fail to do so. My heart, mind and soul doesn't seems to be united as i did last time during form 4. Now seems like fighting against one another. My heart feel so pain when I desire to love. I dont understand why people can't give up when they really love a person and now i did. I just feel the same way as they did. I do love but i dont know why i cant just give up and find another right person since i already rejected so many times. Why do other people so easily to get into relationship? How they do it and how they really found the right person? I dont have the answer.

Im turning back to my failure moment and i just feel like dont want to do anything and just stop the clock and be empty. I hardly move forward these day. Why i get involve in these at the beginning? Im not worthy at all. I completely fail.....

Henri = Zero

Lost Memories

2010-07-31T08:35:00.001-07:00

Few days back, i was doing my room keeping (quite messy. Haih). So i start from my old recycle paper box and remove some old papers/books so that can fill new useful paper in. I discover so many paper that i use during my Form 6 and University time. Looking back at the work i did written in the paper reminds me back many moment that happen during University life. All the battle that went through with friends such as assignment, presentation, project and exam. Even i discover all my exam slip still there (^_^) Hehe...

So fast already one year pass after graduation and depart from school. Any progress in working life? Still the same and didn't earned much. So many responsibilities that need to take care when become an adult such as family members, work place and church. All this is just my training ground to make me a better person, like what my Sunday School Teacher tell us that this world is just a training ground for us to get us prepare to go to Heaven and now i really understand his mean. There are a lot of things to learn from a person experience and this is the way i learn things.

"Looking at the past memories to encourage us to move forward".
I hope that everyone will see their past memories (whether good or bad or even nothing significant) not to make them sad and emo but to really move forward and not repeat the mistake that done in the past.

"We can't change the past but we can change the future".
This is call HISTORY.

Song of Praise

2010-07-24T09:21:00.001-07:00

Today I didn't go to church because I already make a promised with my cousin to attend his convocation ceremony at UCSI. So at first I was thinking that I'm gonna miss church again and feel a bit guilty and sad. When I was going there about 2pm something, I still feel that I'm guilty and go inside the hall and take a sit inside while waiting the ceremony to start.

One thing that surprise me that is the music they broadcast. I can't never imagine that they broadcast instrumental song that is very familiar, which is from the Song of Praise. At that moment, I feel very happy and amazed that how this can happen, at this kind of ceremony they broadcast this kind of music and I start to sing in my heart (but some i forget the lyrics (TT_TT)). At that very surprise moment, I feel that God still with me even though I'm not going to church to worship and I feel my surrounding is full with song like worshiping God at church.

When I think back, all the time, God is approaching me everywhere I go, when I'm not happy, God will be there and encourage me by anything that surrounding me. The Word of God, the Song of Praise and some inspiration moment surely will approach me. I really enjoy the moment that the music was broadcasting and I enjoy singing in my heart.

I really thankful that whatever I do and wherever I go, I can feel God present is there and will encourage me all the time. What I did is just quiet down myself and listen.

Quiet Moment

2010-04-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

Long time I didn't enjoy sitting down, think and talk to myself what I wanted to do next.
Life become more and more meaningless, keep doing things for other. Really less time and almost reach 0 time for myself.

Very happy to know someone getting married. One of my classmate getting married soon on September and one of my Brother in Christ same age with me also going to married on that month. Just realize it whether it will crash my schedule or not. My friend wedding on Saturday so will go Bentong on Friday night, stay over and become Brother.

Feel like very lonely see people around getting their best partner to accompany. Although i already get use to is to be lonely and now have the same feeling like old time do everything by my own (so call lonely life).

Many things happened around me, nothing i can do much to encourage people because not enough skill and not experience enough to give words of encouragement. If got also just absorb from somewhere but never have face to face experience in it so will still lacking of understanding.

I hope that everyone will have a silent moment reflect back what they have done from the day they born until now. As for me, whatever things that i done in the past (got happy moment as well as the sky is falling down moment) will encourage myself to look forward for the things happen later.

P/S:
My tuition teacher always say. Life is always up down up down. This will make our life more meaningful rather than become constant straight line where we seem doing same things over and over again like a robot which dont have any feeling at all even though we paint it, kick it, cut it or destroy it.

Have a Quiet Moment!!!

Challenge

2010-03-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

Again i been challenge by my family. Lately i always go out, for movie and majority for church. I really didn't help much in my family (Such as taking care of my sis kid). Then my mother will raise this question, always go to church, no need to care about family la? Last time, i always have this thinking, im not busy but my parent busy will involve me. Sometimes i think that if im gone then nobody will do the things anymore? All the while i been trained to be home base but seems like everything change since i serve in church. Sometimes i think that i better to settle this by giving up my service at church then i just back to my old life.

Well my christian brother's and sister's might think that im stubborn that the most important things is our soul but im not sure do they really know how it feels like? Like our hand, both side also fresh, one side get hurt, the hand will feel the pain. I do envy that those who have freedom to do what they want to do, not to consider about bad things, consider the things that not harm people and to help one another such as what we did at church.

All the time, i facing this challenge and i try to perservere but, i don't know how long i stand on this challenge. Maybe few more times, i will totally end my christian life. All the things i did is useless. I hope that no matter where i may be, either back to my old life or continue my christian life, my decision will be a correct decision.

My Fear

2009-11-23T06:15:00.000-08:00

Long time didn't update anything, so just put some update on my blog. Last saturday was a full activities day for me, first is my relative wedding at Sungkai, Perak, second is my church Carnival, then my colleague organize skytrax at Putrajaya and finally one of my uni friend going to Brunei to work and have gathering/ farewell dinner. Among all the activities, i have no choice but have to follow my parent to my relative wedding dinner. Many things happen during carnival such as big prize like sony walkman mp3 player(Not clear the details) and 2 Ipod Nano to be win. Haha like usual good things not belong to me so i didnt have a chance to play and win.

During the wedding dinner, the table that i sat only got 8 peoples so i guess i have a chance to take more on sharkfin soup and yet i did eat for 3 bowls and make my stomach full. The rest of the dishes i just took little because i took 3 bowls of sharkfin soup.

The next day surely go to church for morning worship. As usual i late reach church. That time i feel really tired because saturday night i went home i still watch movie before sleep watch until 1pm. After the bible study just went for lunch with bro and sis in Christ at Cheras Leisure Mall nearby eat Thai food. Im not good at eating spicy food so i order Khao Pat Pattaya (Pattaya Fried Rice) and it taste not bad. The main receipies is tomato, egg, rice and fried rice recepies but i still tasted abit spicy. Haih. Who create this spicy food. I really cant take it.

This morning, i feel more tired but i still have to force myself to wake up and go to work. Suddently my stomach not feeling well and i having diarrhea. Too bad and i have to take MC and rest at home. I take this time to watch movie and rest to recover from my diarrhea. Long time i didnt sleep so much and think something that i never think of. I realize my fear while i sleeping. In the past, sometimes i will fear while sleeping and long time i never feel the same thing again until today. What i fear is I fear "I'm alone". Yes, i can say i have less fear but the greater fear of mine is lonely. I keep on thinking that what would i be when im lonely? the time when i parent pass away, what will happen and how im going to react after that? or all my relative all gone and left me alone? I really fear that i will be lonely that time. Although now i have all of them with me now but i know one day, they will not with me anymore.

I'm still very weak in thinking, in reacting and weak in become a mature and wise person. I still very naive in thinking and making decision. Sometimes i feel lost and sometimes i unable to find any solution on it. Christmas is coming and almost reach year end and new year. The group is going to depart and form another new group. I feel i want to participate in the Christmas sketch but i know myself that im not talented in it and might spoil the whole things. Why i have this feeling being abandon because im not involve in that sketch? Maybe also because im scare im lonely and left behind.

Well tomorrow need to back to work or else i cant finish the task given and cannot celebrate Christmas although i dont have money to celebrate this year. I hope that after this year, new year i will be more strong and brave in facing the future ahead me.

I wanna go to a place

2009-09-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

I wanna to a place where I can say
That I'm all right and I'm staying there with you
I wanna know if there could be anyway
That there's no fight, and I'm safe and sound with you

And everytime I look,
I thought you were there,
But it was just my imagination
I don't see it anymore cause I see thru you now

Even now you still haven't noticed this quiet sky
I am always thinking of it, but I can no longer return to there

And I will always be awake in my heart, gently taking notice
That someday I will be able to see kindness

What's stopping me? I get stuck again
Is it really OK? It's never OK for me
What's got into me? I get lost again
Is it really OK? It's never going to be

And I will search harder to realize the things in front of my eyes
Even the wind's direction will surely change tomorrow
The wind whispers gently, the one that moves is the earth
Find the way and I will be able to see kindness

And every time I look,
I thought you were there,
But it was just my imagination
I don't see it anymore cause I see thru you now

I wanna go to a place where I can say
That I'm all right and I'm staying there with you

My heart will go on

2009-09-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

Haha. So sudden my heart can feel already. It's already heart broken for many times but now i can feel already. Really wish to start to find life partner but somehow i dont dare to love. Everytimes seems to be fake feeling therefore even now i got feeling on someone, i dont dare to confess. My colleague got encourage me to do whatever I wish to do because life is short and we never know what will happen tomorrow. His words is truth. We never know when our life on earth end. We never know when God will take us go home. Time is near and we should appreciate everyday, everytime we have with one another. My desire to have life partner very strong, but i really dont dare to confess. Maybe she might not be the one God chosen for me. What i can do now is to keep my heart go on and let God lead me.

Some how i still thinking of giving up my life as a Christian because I really lazy to do things and i dont have the capability to make disciples. Im still questioning myself whether who am I and what i should do as a Christian. Even someone got say im sure God choose me to be his children and i also learn from the bible study and know the answer yet im still dump and questioning about my faith. I really long time didnt stop and think. I hope that my heart will go on.

I just think of this words (actually i dont remember the chapter and verse no (T_T)) while im writing this blog

Phi 3:13-14
Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I do hope that i can keep on going to win the prize.

Mission Fail

2009-08-30T07:49:00.001-07:00

Mission fail already. Too difficult and dont have the skill to do it. Haih.
After this i have to throw all my dream to the sea because only one ambition to follow that is take care of my sister son. I become kao fu already so have to be an example for him to follow. Really taihen desne.

Start Building Phone Bible with multi-language support

2009-08-23T05:51:00.000-07:00

Recently got think of build my own phone bible application

Capability
- Support multi-language (currently apply to english first since i dont know how to read chinese. Will try to get support from others)
- Support multi-version (Hope can put all english version first and slowly enhance)
- List of book name at interface there (since the phone screen is small, probably will seperate to two pages)

Tools to develop
- Netbean 6.7.1

Since long time didnt do java programming and i forget how to do it. Dont know where to start and how to start. Take times to learn back. Haih.

Hope can successfully develop it..

My wish!!!!

2009-08-04T08:10:00.000-07:00

I wish to see you everyday.

LAZY

2009-07-12T07:41:00.000-07:00

Feel very lazy already. Don't know is because getting older and older problem or really i turn to be LAZY. Do i look like really have nothing or dont have good or bad feeling? I still have personal problem actually but i still can control with my simple acting. Wahaha.

This have change a lot but I'm not growing to adapt the situation. This is abnormal to me and also first time cannot adapt things in a short period of time. Do i reach my limit or i just a slow learner?

My heart, my mind and my body really fight with one another. Cannot cooperate together as one like usual. What is my solution to all the things im facing? I guess my spirit is gone or exhaust. What can i do to replenish my spirit? How to get motivate back like in old time? Even i have a feeling of giving up myself. Whatever i've learn, i cant recall. Whatever i've done, is my own strength and doesn't benefit anything.

I'm so doubt about myself. Who am I? I feel that i lost my feeling as well. All the event people are exciting, i just feel like nothing. What can i do to understand every little things? What can i do which really show who i am? I'm just like a wind, when wind blow high, nothing can stop the wind, when no wind blow, it is so calm. I never be firm or harmony wind which blow smoothy that people enjoy the wind.

Am I a weird person? Yes. A person who doesn't know everything at all. A stubborn person and nothing can be done well. One question keep in my mind, i saw many people give up when they walk through study, now isit i will be the same like them giving up something precious? Although i feel nothing about it, i guess people also feel the same thing when the time im giving up.

Wish that everyone will continue to press on towards their goal and achieve the hope they hope for so long.

1st Time!!!

2009-05-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

This is the first time, my parent going to see me perform something on stage. The last time i perform dancing is when i was in kindergarden time. My performance very poor that time even now i also the same. Well this Sunday is meet the parent day as my church organize this activities for everyone to bring their parents to church and have an appreciation day. That day i involve in song presentation title "We will Love" is a cantonese translation. My voice not nice all the time and i hope that i can sing better on that day.

My eye seem very weak because always face computer and less rest. I should take care of my eye but some how, i keep on repeat the same things like watch movie until late night at computer. Not only my eye are weak, my body also getting weaker. This happen maybe i didnt exercise often. Need to schedule my time to do exercise.

As for my result, im still cant confirm what i get. Actually for me 1st class or 2nd upper class is not a big different because it just different by 0.01 point. Well for employer maybe they will look at it but i think performance is the best thing to measure a person at work. How knowledge you are might not help you at work if you cant apply it in your work or your life. Similar with a Christian who also need to learn God words, practice it and apply it in our life to show our testimony to people about Christ. Well i'm still long way to go to become that level.

After I start working for two weeks, my colleague ask me what is my dream. I unable to tell him because my dream already achieve and i have no dream currently. You may guess what is my dream then? Well my dream is so simple, when i was in form 5, i want to study form 6 because everyone said form 6 is the difficult study to go. I manage to study form 6 and get good result. Then achieve already. While i study in form 6, i want to study university and get 1st class honor degree. Well i still cant confirm what i will get. Even i didnt get, what i think is i also achieve my dream and i get 1st class honor degree because i already complete the course. For now, i dont have anything to achieve. I dont dare to have dream because i know that i unable to achieve it currently for example a good career, future partner and family. All i just want to do know is to renew my strength and hope to walk in the path that God had set for me.

Finish the race!!!

2009-05-26T05:57:00.000-07:00

At last, this morning i can see my result. Before i see it, i really scare that i get bad result. As a result, i get satisfied result only, not the good or brilliant result. I tought that i fail to achieve the goal i set at the beginning of my university (which is 1st class honor degree) but when i scroll to the bottom, i saw 3.500. I nearly fail to get it and i really didn't expect i still can achieve it. Finally i finish my race as a uni student and achieve my goal.

I'm really thankful that during school time with the help from my friends namely Charles, Fang, Zong Ming, Siew Teng (Sehela), Terry, Weng Kee and Hui Xian in assignment, tutorial and exam. I wish that everyone dont feel dissappointed even we get unexpected result because we graduate together.

Although this happiness just for a short moment of time, it is a memorable things and it is our history.

On the way to a Smile

2009-05-21T09:40:00.000-07:00

I wish i could smile everday. Either joy or sad, i want to face it with a smile.

Exhaust....

2009-05-11T08:40:00.004-07:00

Just after exam straight away go work, i feel tiring. What to do, not enough money to support myself and being force by my mother. Just obey, no harm. Just pass 1 week and I already feel this tiring. I think is because i lack of exercise and didnt sleep much.

My physical body and my spiritual body feel exhaust. Maybe i force myself too much and use up more energy during study and no time to renew my strength. I plan to have rest until camp end then start working but my plan fail. I dont know when i can renew my strength as well as my heart.

My heart dont have any excitement feeling anymore since I fail to attract the one I love. I understand that this world still got people nicer or better than her but my heart still cant move away. Until now i keep on trying to control myself not to like her. I guess, i still not mature enough to handle this problem of mine.

Everything for me seem to be nothing can be done successfully. Until now, i still cant perform the best i can do. Probably because im physically or spiritually weak and my heart some short like not motivated. Hopefully i can recover as soon as possible so that i still can keep moving forward. not just waiting and die.

I always like this words "Life Goes On" because i know that my life is not easy.

Zero and Henri. v(^_^)v

Exam finish

2009-05-04T03:14:00.000-07:00

Today exam finish. Still waiting for result. I cant expect what result i could get other than fail. I really cant do anything else.

This year camp confirm cant go. Mother say "CANT GO!!!" so what i can do? I already fight for it. I also plan it clearly what i should do to go camp even i already get the permission to take leave. What wrong with me going to camp. I already cannot stand on stress. I dont even found anything to release other than just work, eat, at home sleep and repeat the same thing over and over again.

I already reach my limit. No more freedom, no more free will. I rather become an Angel even Angel dont have free will. What i prefer that i have a pair of wing and freely fly at the sky.

Final Battle!!!! Ready!!!! GO!!!!!

2009-04-21T07:50:00.000-07:00

Three years study in UTAR and now reach the end of the course. Study for so long just to wait this moment to come. This saturday is my first paper and my last paper is on May 4.

Early this year, i always post something negative tought about my study and i already pass that critical moment. Now just left this last exam but i still feel like not enough motivation or encouragement to move on. This feeling is similar to my form 5 situation where last moment i feel like half way no motivation. This time totally no motivation to move on and feel scare and dont know what is the result.

I guess who read this will scold me because i havent begin or havent try, how do i know my result? Well i really hope that i can pass this last exam and hopefully can fulfill my selfish desire to get first class honor degree title. Based on my performance, i dont deserve to archieved it but i will try to get it. Currently i dont have any future dream other than this dream to get 1st class honor degree title. I set this dream during my second semester in UTAR. I guess this is my last dream that i ever dream off.

Will i be able to fight till the end? I wish I can win my old self compare now.

Nevertheless, I hope that everyone same batch with me will archieve good result and found a better job afterwards. Hope to see everyone graduate at the same time.

Managing your wealth

2009-04-05T04:04:00.000-07:00

Today sermon talks about managing your wealth (i forget the title but it is similar). As we all know wealth is about money but as christian perspective, wealth not only meant for money, it also meant for talent, ability or the things that belong to us. There is one point really hit me that mistake will cause you fail to manage your wealth. I make an unnecessary contract. Due to this mistake, my parent need to spent RM100++ for the fees for three years and another things is i didn't attend the things that i make contract with. I really fail to manage my wealth and because of my mistake, my parent going to suffer. It is my debt and later i will pay it when i come out to work.

After the sermon, there is a chairing and today is my turn to share something. I didnt prepare well for my message and i just simple stand on the stage and share don't know what and i feel that i really dont have the talent to speak. This is my mistake and i know Deacon didn't blame me on that but i feel really useless because i study so much but unable to share something to benefit others or encourage others.

Beginning of this year, i already feel like unable to perform well in the things that i do. What should i do? Why i turn to be like this? If this continue on, i scare i unable to perform well in my final exam. Im very scare about it. I should renew my strength so that i still have a chance to overcome the problem that i face. I hope that there is an encouragement or motivation to push myself to reach another limit.

Kena Tagged by WK

2009-03-11T03:54:00.000-07:00

100 Truths about Me

001. Real name → Ong Wai Sing aka Henri

002. Nickname(s) → Henri, Wai Sing, Sing Yeah.

003. Status → SA (you know la)

004. Zodiac sign → Capricorn

005. Male or female → Male

006. Elementary →SKTaman Segar, SKTaman Muda, SKPandan Indah

007. Middle School → SMK Pandan Indah

008. High School → KTAR
009. Eye color - brown

010. Hair color → black

011. Long or short → short

012. Loud or Quiet → quiet

013. Sweats or Jeans → jeans

014. Phone or Camera → phone

015. Health freak → no

016. Exercise - few

017. Do you have a crush on someone? → yes

018. Eat or Drink → eat

019. Piercings → no

020. Tattoos → no

021. Water or Fire → water (can I put wind?)

022. Love of your life or 4 Billion Dollars → love my life

023. First fear → Worms

024. First best friends → Delon Wong

025. First award → no

026. First crush → forget name joh

027. First love – havent got

028. First pet - Hamser

029. First big vacation – HK, Bangkok

030. First big birthday → 21st birthday at 2006

THIS OR THAT:

[31.] Orange or Apple Juice? - orange

[32.] Rock or Rap? - rock

[33.] Country or Screamo? - country

[34.] N'Sync or Backstreet Boys? - BSB

[35.] Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera? - Britney

[36.] Night or Day?? - day

[37.] Sun or Moon? - moon

[38.] TV or Internet? - internet

[39.] PlayStation or xbox? – PS3

[40.] Kiss or Hug? - hug

[41.] Iguana or Turtle? – ninja turtle

[42.] Spider or Bee? – spiderman
[43.] Fall or Spring? – fall ( why no winter)

[44.] Limewire or iTunes? – limewire (can I prefer others?)

[45.] Basketball or Boxing? - basketball

[46.] Soccer or Baseball? - baseball

[47.] Ballet or Choir? - Choir

[48.] Cheerleader or Athlete? - athlete

CURRENTLY:

049. Eating → Claypot Chicken rice

050. Drinking → shandy

051. Drugs - no

052. I'm about to → do FYP

053. Listening to → songs lo

054. Plans for today → Complete small part of my FYP
055. Waiting for → 10.30 go sleep

056. Busy – ……….
057. Bored - ………..

YOUR FUTURE:

058. Want kids? - sure

059. Want to get married? – YES!!!!!.

060. Careers in mind – AI developer
061. Hire employees - depend

062. Want to be a boss - Maybe

063. Saving money - yes

064. Insurance – got already
065. Send kids to public or private school – private (if I kaya)

066. How many children do you want? – 2 (depend on my future wife)

067. Boy or girl? - 1 boy 1 girl

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY?

068. Lips or eyes - eyes

069. Fat or thin – thin (why no normal?)

070. Shorter or taller? - taller

071. Dark or fair? - fair

072. Romantic or spontaneous - romantic

073. Nice stomach or nice arms - nice arms

074. Sensitive or loud - sensitive

075. Hook-up or relationship - relationship

076. Sex or make love - make love

077. Trouble maker or hesitant - hesitant

078. Behave or misbehave - behave

079. Touchy or funny - funny

HAVE YOU EVER:

080. Lost glasses/contacts - no

081. Ran away from home - no

082. Hold a gun/knife for self defense - no

083. Killed somebody - no

084. Been Heartbroken - yes

085. Been arrested - no

086. Been raped - no

087. Cried when someone died – almost cry (mother side grandpa)
088. Loose control when angry - sometimes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

089. Yourself → no

090. Miracles → yes

091. Love at first sight – yes

092. Heaven → yes

093. Santa Claus → no

094. Sex on the first date → no

095. Kiss on the first date → no

096. Hold hands on the first date - yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now → yes

098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → no

099. Do you believe in God → yes

100. Post as 100 truths and tag 25 people→ no

Just a little update

2009-03-08T08:38:00.000-07:00

Lately seem to be very busy doing FYP, function still not yet done. Just do little little stuff. I never felt like busy till i cant stop and ignore friend chatting. Maybe this time, i really busy.

Semester almost end and i dont have anything to submit especially my project. Im very scare that i cant finish it and submit. My endurance level drop a lot, i cant keep doing it for the long time.

This week i already skip church for 3 days. Haih.

Yesterday, my sis gave birth to a baby boy. Havent give any name but today i fetch my mother to petaling street this morning to get name. That's one of the reason i skip church. I reach there about 9.30 and wait till 11.45 then only done. According to my mother, 9.45 got 3 person waiting and still got a lot of people asking for name and prepare for wedding. Haih, waste many time waiting without doing things.

Lately, my health condition seem very poor. I cant keep myself alert and i almost cause boiled water over boil. Haih.

Too many haih and i dont know what i can do next. Hope I still can push myself to finish this race. Whether i can achieve the result i want or not, i wish i can accept the fact and keep going on. I dont wish to give up anything and i dont want to feel regret anymore. Even i fail, i must not be discourage by it.

Tagged by Hannah

2009-03-01T05:35:00.000-08:00

i've tagged:
Hannah
Ritchie
Amy
Carol
Kayson

ps.i think i have done this tag b4 but since i have nthg to do now....i might as well do it again :)
what have you been doing recently?mid term exam.....

do you ever turn your cell phone off?yes, when i cant send sms
what had happened at 10.00am today?fixing computer

when did you last cry?Today about 6 something (almost crying and no tear 1)
believe in fate/destiny?believe in the past

what do you want in your life right now?GRADUATE Yeah!!!!
do you carry an umbrella when it rains,or just put up your hood?umbrella lo.

what's your favourie thing to have on your bed?mattress
what bottom are you wearing now?shorts

what's the nicest text in your inbox say?no such text for a long time
do you tend to make a relationship complicated?simple is better

are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?nope
what was the last movie you caught?high school musical 3

what are you proud of?proud of have a chance to study
what does the oldest message in your inbox says?not remember....

what was the last song you sang out loud?LOW
do you have any nicknames?Sing Yeah

what does you last receive text message say?want to confirm you whether skip whole day or not
what time did you go to bed last night?1 something

are you currently happy?satisfy
who gives you best advice?people around me

do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?eerrrr dono
who did you talk on phone last night?mother

is anyone bugging you right now?nope
what/who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?Wai Loon

do you wear toe socks?no
who was the last person you missed a call from?Mother

have you ever had your heartbroken?yes
what annoys you most in a person?ask question

do you have a crush on anyone?Absolutely yes
have you ever done cocaine?drink coca cola consider or not?

what's the colour of your room?orange
would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars?NO!!! i dont tend to kill anyone

do you believe in the saying of: talk is cheap?no wo, lawyer talk is expensive
who was the last person to lie in your bed?nobody except me

who was the last person to hug younobody hug me. (T_T)
did anyone see the last person you kissed?no, but a saw people kiss on the escalater

do you have a life?yes, im living now
have you ever think someone died, when they really didnt die?no

what's the reason behind your profile song?no song woh.
who was the last person you saw in your dream?myself lo.

last time you smiled?afternoon
have you changed this year?yes, easy anger, emotion + ing and bla bla bla.

what are you listening right now?squall
are you talking to someone when you're doing this?mother

do you walk with your eyes opened or closed?open la
is there a quote you lived by?life goes on

do you want someone you cannot have?yes
have you ever played an instrument?yeap.frute

what was the worst idea you've had in this week?give up
what are you doing last night at 11pm?watch high school musical 3

are you happy with your love life right now?ok lo
what song best describe your love life?amazing grace

does the person know that you like him/her?yes
who always make you laugh?nobody

do you speak other language other than english?lol cantonese and mandarin can mah?
favourite website(s)?
www.mininova.com
www.sogua.com
www.sogou.com
www.dygod.com
www.youtube.com

what's your middle name?Wai???
what are you doing tomorrow?attending classes

what do you think you are like?myself lo
who will you choose to die with?everyone i know

where have you been today?church
what game do you play often?minesweeper

who are you missing right now?i miss my teenager self
if you have to choose between friend and love,who will you choose?Can i choose God?

what are you doing right nowchatting about coming mid term
which primary school are you from?SK Taman Segar, SK Taman Muda, SK Pandan Indah

name 4 colours that you like?blue,white, pink, purple
what emotion you like to show?hehe

what's your life to you?to live
if you have something troubling you, what will you do?keep to myself

who did you last chat in msn today?Sehela
who do you admire most?Mr Lian

which month are you born in?Dec
how are you feeling right now?tired

what's the time now?9.20pm
what kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?kind

what colour did you use to dye hair?green
why are you doing this test?sienz

what do you do when you're moody?sleep
at which age you wish to get married?depend

who's more important to you? enemies or friends?enemies and friends
if today is the last day of your life, what will you do?i will bring my parents go eat the best, call
out all the friends that i know and play with them, meet all my relatives houses and go to church and meditate

who's the person you trust the most?my parent
do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?yes

if you have a dream come true, what would it be?give the best life for my parent to enjoy while they still around

what's your goal for this year?GRADUATE yeah!!!
do you believe in eternity love?yes....i do....

what feeling do you love most?fall in love with someone
do you really think it's global warming now?yes

what feeling do you hate the most?angry
do you cherish every single friendship of yours?yup

do you believe in god?YES!!!
who cares for you most?parents and relatives

what do you think is the most important thing in your life?love one another
what will you bring when you fight?bring my leg, because i can run away. wahaha

what have you done regretted doing in your whole life?never study serious when im a kid
what would you feel if no one no longer cares for you?observes surrounding

what if your bf/gf two-times you?dono
how do you feel now?want to start do my stuff

Study never be easy

2009-02-23T03:51:00.000-08:00

This semester all the subject seem to be very tough to me as well as FYP. Most of the subject seem to be application more than just definition, adv and disadv, and comparion other than BIIS. My english writing already not good and need to write professional business plan, im not good at it (although i havent try or start it so i never know what is the result). Another subject also need to write professional english which is Computer Law and Ethics. While doing the assignment, i discover that it need a lot of thinking and explanation in order to apply the law from any section in law book. No wonder my friend who study law last time told me that exam is open law books but it also very difficult. Now i understand what he means until lecturer give guideline for the second tutorial question.

There is some technical problem i cant solve it for my FYP application. This is the reason that i really scare because i cant do it in the way that i want. Im not sure i able to finish the FYP on time or not. There is so many event coming on, assignment, exam and saturday and sunday activities. Do i have the ability to complete my job as given to me? How can i makesure i can complete everything? My ability is limited and how do i improve myself within this short period of time. I really hope that I be able to graduate this year and achieve the target i already set. Although for my first motive will never be fulfill but i really wish to break the barrier that my family unable to break.

Tomorrow will be better

2009-02-15T05:27:00.000-08:00

One question that people would like to have and ideal thinking, "Tomorrow will be better". Sometimes people may experience that tomorrow, the day after tomorrow is still the same as usual. I believe that phrase really work well on people. Today we might face many difficulties such as pressure at school, work place, house or many other area.

I want to have a better tomorrow. Few week pass, i already experience many things and is time for me to generate antibiotic to overcome it. I dont have to think what pass already pass. Those success or failure in the pass would not be anything special anymore. Last time maybe im a failure and slowly growth up and make things success. What is happened from the pass already pass and it doesnt show that tomorrow what it will be or will success or fail.

Can i stand up and make a counter defends over all the problems that heading to me? I will try it. Either pass or fail, i just leave everything to the people who judge my work.

Task list that things i want to do:
-I want to be active in thinking or action.
-I want to be change in my heart and mind.
-I want to strengthen my body health and endurance.
-I want to study and give my best to finish my studies.

Why?

2009-02-08T01:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday i was doing my assignment and just finish half way and went to sleep. Before go to sleep, i check my computer whether got virus or not. I found my pendrive contains virus and i delete it. I saw similar name virus file appear in my pc then i straight away without doubt delete it.

Today when i try to continue do my assignment, my pc keep restarting. My first impression is Oh No, i didn't backup my work and i find a way to recover it. First i able to recover it but those application i had install before unable to function. Why yesterday mistake cause me today suffer. Is this the lesson i need to learn that i cant make mistake or else i will suffer in future. Many times, what i decide i will regret it although i never give up and at the end i able to walk through it.

This trial really hard for me. It comes from different direction. How im going to handle all? Even myself also discourage myself. Now im formatting my computer and hopefully after i install and use vista, those application i be able to use back. Where my courage go? Where my inner voice go? Where am i going?

Scream!!!!!

2009-02-05T03:08:00.000-08:00

No mood to blog. Just to write something because long time didn't update anything.

I feel very depress dono why and somehow i do other things more than the things that i should be complete.

I dont have any confidence in doing things. As you read what i write, my english become poor. I dono what im writing and i dono how to describle my tought, opinion even myself.

I feel inspire when i watch facing the giant and fireproof but after that also turn up to be depress. Whats wrong with me? Why this feeling happened? Am I plan to fail? What i can to in order to gain back my confidence even just a little. Where my motivation in doing things? Why i feel so tired to do things.

Am I giving up myself? Im almost finish my study and come to work. I should be happy because i work hard for 3 years just to reach the goal and finish this race. Why im struggle? what are the things cause me to struggle? Im not a good leader and i unable to lead people because im no confidence and cant even motivate people anymore.

I feel like want to scream!!!!

Today

2009-01-27T05:49:00.000-08:00

Today quite boring stay at home. Nothing to do than online n play games. No feel excited to play poker. Become more n more numb.

All the plan is different compare previous year. When we grow older n older, the mood will become so silent. Maybe because of my sis condition that make everyone seem not so joy. Still worry about my sis after marry because she having difficult time with husband n his family there. My sis din get wat she deserve but need to support her husband cuz he dont have much money but yet still spent like when he is single. Still wan his own life rather than new life with my sis.

This is one of the things make me moody n there also my problem around especially my heart. How to lead my heart follow my way rather than follow my heart way? Im stuck at this point and i cant move forward n be mature at another stage. I think i need to find someone to talk n talk everything out so i wouldnt keep it in heart.

CNY record breaking!!!

2009-01-26T06:05:00.000-08:00

Hi, Today is first day of CNY. Today event is normally father side relatives gathering. Since my 3rd Pat Liong stay at taman muda, so this year go there and gathering. Today i saw 2nd Gu Mah, 3rd Gu Mah, Siong biu goh and wife with kid, ping piu jeh with bf and Suk Suk with wife and childrens (total 4). Number of people gather become less and less year by year and the environment not so excited like few year past but nevertheless CNY able to meet them is consider happy and still know who they are compare to totally dont meet. So CNY what we do, GAMBLING!!! Wahaha. This year my mood in gambling also not very excited because normally i lose money one but this time, i just play few hours and just win RM 1 only. Good day. After that i bring my Sum Sum (My suk suk wife) with their children go Leisure Mall to walk.

When we reach there, not all shops open and quite boring. So we decided to watch movie. When we want to purchase the tickets, the show start just few minutes. So we quickly bought "All well end well" (Ka Yau Hei Xi 2009) tickets and just go in and watch. We still able to watch on time. Hehe.

The movie really nice and funny. The last part is really the same like old Ka Yau Hei Xi. The different is the people in there some is different only but the show still nice and funny. All the people there laugh very loud. Hehe. Good movie to see in CNY.

After watch movie, we go back to Pat Liong then about 6 something go home and move to next destination. Next destination is 3rd Yi Poh house. Then at there is my mother side retatives gathering. Almost saw most of the relatives, some still not around especially my Kau Fu, big Kau Fu at somewhere and small Kau Fu at Johor. We all enjoy eating and chit chatting together and laugh together. I like this kind of environment. hehe.

So today event just like that. So 2molo event will be continue next day. Happy Chinese New Year. For those read my blog must give me Ang Pow. Wahaha.

Open eyes.

2009-01-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

When we are kids, things seem very simple and easy going. As we grow to be teenager, we see more things about the environment. When we grow adult, we see many things like society, relationship, the world and ourself. Life isn't easy and i know it but why life cannot be simple? My current condition is I seem to be look at myself.

Maybe i start to be selfish. I tend to compare myself with others although i know that they got talent and i dont have. How hardwork i do will not surpass them. Maybe myself not put enough effort on it. Relationship for me is simple. Love one another. I also feel jealous that people got girlfriend while they still study and not earn any money. Maybe they got secretly earn it, I dont know. I seem to run away from problem. I face many problem and I din face it with all my heart. Where my heart go? Where my motivation go? Where my stronghold? Where my principles? Many things i din put into heart as the result I dont know how to reach when problems come.

Isit my family get bullied easily? Yet i cant protect my family member from getting bullied by others. I still dont know many things and i seem din concern about it. Who am I actually? Why I dont have a good character attitude? How im going to do wise things, do the things right and do right things? Like a simple decision whether go or not go, i still cant decide and see the important about it. I really turn to be very bad, very selfish that i din care about others anymore other than myself. Things that i feel very weird i will reject it.

I really wan to run away from it like forget all my memory and start over again. Many times i saw people fall out from what they are fighting but i guess this time would be me giving up and drop off. How can I search back the meaning of my life as a child, student, friend or somebody?

Amazing Grace, the best song ever describe how God grace fall on us. God is great and mighty, as a christian, I feel like im not worthy to be his children. Im not talented in any way. I do many wrong things. I didn't keep in heart the verse in the book of life which is the bible. I waste many people effort on me. Can I stand up again? I dont know. As a committee, i should not write something discourage to others but im not a person that will share my personal things to others. Maybe i still have doubt in trusting people. Some i may share before but is just a little matter. I hope that nobody will care what i wrote because it surely not sound nice and not encouraging.

Sick jor.

2009-01-07T00:27:00.000-08:00

What to do? i sick jor. Haiz. Just new year and fall sick. Need to take care of my health. If not, later back to school cant concentrate in study. This is my final sem and the last race i will run. Hope that i still able to cope all the studies after so call lazy+ing for 3 months time. So many activities happened recently because become committee already. Can say many things need to do. Im still not adapt to it. I need time to slowly growth.

FYP still not yet touch. Hopefully got inspiration from somewhere or something to make me move to do it. I dont wish to fail or get poor result. I want to bear good testimony to people around me including church friends. I already fail few things and i hope that for those coming things will be successfully done by me if the things is given to me.

Now still feel very sick, feel like wan to shut down myself but temptation arise (especially online and do nothing. haiz). House work still not yet done after my sister married and new year is coming. Need to clean house soon. Hope this year everyone will enjoy getting ang pow from relatives and have good time gathering with family members.

I want to be like my Father

2009-01-04T03:51:00.000-08:00

This morning, i feel angry because i received a news that my sister husband treat my sister not good and want to divorce. So my parent will discuss with him during noon time and listen to what he had to say. At first after i listen it, i get angry and think of any reaction i will act if something bad happen like fighting. I think of many way to fight back if i could then it is about time to go to church for worship so i just go and worship on time.

After i think of many possibility, i try to pray to God and ask God how im going to act like a wise man when facing this. Today sermon, Mr Lian got mention 4 points about be completely humble and gentle, be patient and bear with one another with love. At first i dont quite understand how should i apply this 4 points in the situation that i might face until the time happen, my sister husband come and start discuss with my parent. Suddently a voice come from a wise man, my Father.

My Father explain and advise him that start a family is not easy. As a husband and wife, both must talk with one another their problem not just one party keep their problem alone and they must think about another two side feeling and not one side feeling. Somemore my sister pregnant and also must consider the baby as well. My Father also know that my sister husband not a rich man and consider poor person, just enough to survive and my Father explain to him that my Father own experience. My Father also poor at the begining and married my Mother, they also poor. What they do is just keep save money and bear with one another. Any problem will discuss with my Mother and my Mother also will discuss with my Father. My Father same the similar situation with my sister husband but my Father never scold or try to treat my Mother badly. But what my sister husband did is scold my sister, make her cry everytime my sister want to discuss something with him nicely and didn't care my sister feeling.

My Father continue and say he and my sister pak toh already long time and dont know each other well? If during that time my sister husband feel very difficult to get together then why not just break up and just end straight away. No need to continue suffer alone and want to be patient with u. At the end, my sister husband understand and try to change to treat my sister in good manner. Now their problem already solve. I really like my Father the way he talks. Although he keep repeating similar things but yet just to make sure my sister husband really understand.

For my understanding of my Father, my Father not a soft person, He also a hot temper person but when the time he give advise, i really amazed that suddently he talk in gentle and patient manner. He didnt get angry and i feel he really a wise man. Base on what my Father mention before, i understand that why a couple will break up. There are few possibility which is he or she might still selfish thinking on one side only, they might not discuss well their problem and cause many misunderstanding or because they really think that their partner is not suitable. Therefore, we cant really tell if a person is good or bad until we get along (pak toh) or some may be very best friend before they go furtuer.

I want to be like my Father. Now i understand the different between wise man and not wise man. Wise man will handle things in good manner and didn't easily get angry because of something compare to not wise person. I also understand that why im not mature because i havent reach the mature level even though i know how to handle something. About the feeling towards someone, now i think i really can put down. Since long time ago she already said she didn't like me until now. If she didn't like me, nvm, we still friend and bro and sis in Christ. If later she like me then i will feel happy as well but now i know she dont like me so i will let go so that if someone approach to her, she no need to consider whether will hurt me or not. Now i want to remove the barrier so that she also have chance to find her life partner that God plan for her and i also may find my life partner that God plan for me.

New Year!!!

2009-01-01T05:41:00.000-08:00

New Year seem doesn't show something good to me. First day, i already sick. Like what my mother always do, she will visit those master who tell about this year fortune. We call it tong sing (in cantonese) something like telling about what we can do this year and what we cant do this year. Well it is true or not, i cant tell because it is already common for me to just know it.

As im expected, i will have not good fortune this year and my mother as well. My father and my sister have good fortune. Though my mother know that she cannot visit to see new born baby house or go eat mun yut dinner but my mother have no choice because my sister pregnant and will gave birth on March. What will happened to my mother? will get sick? i pray that God will sent angels to protect my mother from being disturbed by bad things.

As for me, i predict that nothing good will happen because i accepted Christ and surely Satan wouldn't let me go. From what the master say, i will have hiut gong ji joi (mean might shed blood if im not mistaken) or maybe accident will cause it because im a driver. I pray that whoever follow my car wouldn't involved the bad things i may face. Since now already started sick, i do really hope that it wouldn't affect my study because this is the last chance for me to get things correct.

In my life, i really consider myself a miracle. A person very poor in education still can study in University. Yes, i do put all my effort from form 4 till now yet the things before that i totally forgotten. Im a failure until form 4 and i began to change. I do hope that i can finish my education race and achieve the target that i set. Currently i already achieve it but I havent reach the finish line. After i back to study, i hope that God will be with me and i need all my friends help as well to achieve it. Yet i know that this year is my unfortunate year, i do or i dont believe, i still need to move on. Good things happened is everybody dream of, bad things is not welcome.

This is just my selfish desire, as for my spiritual growth, i do wish that i will change and i need people to encourage me. This year isn't the same like last year still can have fun or honey moon (is a common words that government school principle will said to student after they survive the PMR). For the things that i need to do, i hope that i can complete it although it is not the best i can give but i will try to complete it as command.

Nevertheless, greet all of my family and friends Happy New Year 2009. Muuuuuuuhhhhh (Cow Voice hehe).

So downcast oh my soul

2008-12-30T03:23:00.001-08:00

Today feel so downcast. This afternoon, i dream something that is im so happy together play with my beloved. I know i shouldn't dream something like that but it is good and happy moment. Maybe i dream a lot maybe one day fall into it. Last time my tuition teacher got mention that "We can dream marvelous things but don't let the dream master you". The moment i realize it, i feel so downcast because it wouldnt happen now and maybe wont happen forever. I understand that she will be in relationship someday and when i think about it, it really make me more downcast that im may or maybe not that person. If i had a chance, i wont let it go no matter what may happen. Unfortunately, i still have no chance or ability to do it.

Im a person who is sam fan jong yit dou(cantonese) means likely to change decision frequently. I wish that if i have a chance, i wont change my decision to love her and have a right heart to love her. I dont like to test a relationship. Relationship is a forever things. If a person unsure about who will be his life partner and try to find few people and start relationship to test which one is better, i would say to that person that u better not to do anything if you dont have a heart to only and the only one person. The action try relationship is like bao yi lai. Although that person invite them to go out to find out more about them, it show that that person really dont have the heart love to anyone. If my analysis is right, only if a girl really tell him that she got interest on him then only he will accept and start relationship.

I dont know whether there is love at first sight or not but i do believe in that. Haiz, it also useless because i just blog here and dont voice it out loud. Well, after all different people got different thinking. All i can do is hope that nothing harm will happen to my friend.

Christmas!!!

2008-12-24T09:40:00.000-08:00

Another year of Christmas. I celebrate Christmas in Petra already 3 years. It is a celebration of our LORD Jesus Christ come to earth and born as human being to save us. Well every year, i wish to forget something or give up something and i did it again. I cant totally forget or give up. I really don't know how to behave like a wise man. I cant say my eyes temptation or what, everytime i saw her, i have new feeling or feel relieve. And now i understand that i'm a person who like to observe things but this is something weird to me, i keep on observe her and i feel relieve when i saw her and i know she is there. I really hope that everyday i can see her. Maybe this is what a part of song mention "I cant keep my eyes off you" i guess the lyrics correct or the other way round. I still like her always just like 3 years ago until now.

I know that i cant keep on like someone that i know she didn't like me. Maybe im really "fan jin" (cantonese). Love is blind, maybe i really blinded. LORD i really want you to teach me how to behave like a wise man. Now i just only observe her appearance then i feel satisfy already. I wish that one day, i will feel bored about it and will definately forget about her. If i still cant do it, i really dont know what i can do. Maybe I will try the hard way is confess to her and being totally reject to crush my heart into dust so it wont recover. I know that everytime she reject me, she also feel hurt but i hope that this final move i wont take or really didn't cause her feel hurt.

Now what i can do it just observe and think i cant have the hope of being together with her although how my heart feel deeply except she really told me before hand. I guess no girl will take action first. I wish her will have a wonderful and memorable christmas. I also wish all newcomer will discover the way, the truth and the life in Petra. I pray that all the committee and leader will not give up in learning the good way to serve one another, support one another to explore our talent in whatever things we do. In real time, i cant say to her once again. I just want to say that I really like her.

I Give Up.

2008-12-20T04:33:00.000-08:00

I want to tell that i want to give up in loving someone. Those who know me will know who i like the most. I really hope that i can be with her forever but this hope cannot be realize. I struggle a lot because of the hope for a life partner, but it seems that it just a dream. Although it is sad to give up but what i can hope about it? Not to say that im a talent person or a good guy, she have no feeling toward me and i cant create it.

What i can observe already told me that i "MUST" give up. No turning back. If there got miracle, i will be happy but miracle seldom happen to a person like me. My life dont have much miracle happened. Just two miracle happened that i know, one is have good memory power and another is desire and strenght to make higher achievement. Both of it already no more. Just happened at the crusial moment and dissappear.

I know that God have a plan for God's children but i still dont know what God's plan for me. I also hope that my never give up desire will be remain on me. With that, i can work harder and harder to make my life become fruitful.

This year, 1st time become a committee. I dont have any idea what i should do. Committee about commitment to something and do it. I dont have commitment over something. Because of my family barrier, my ownself barrier and i havent earn my own money yet so many things i think i should do support but i cant. Just like as simple as baptize. I got mention to my parent, the result is "You are not mature enough, after you 35 years old then i will agree to let you get baptize". For my ownself barrier, my emotion, my bad habits (that i didn't read books and kids behaviour) and all my practice as a servant in my family also not all really can use it.

For example, eat time. Just to tell a little history of mine. My eating schedule is breakfast 6-8am, lunch 11-12pm and dinner is 5 - 7pm. 7pm and more consider late eat already. When i become regular at church. My lunch and dinner time got different already especially dinner time. After saturday, after clean up everything or have done some activities, normally fellowship dinner would around 8-9pm or 7pm. It is consider my siu yeh. Sunday after bible class, 1.30pm end and delay wait to gather people go lunch together about 2-3pm. So our lunch maybe around 3-4pm. Sometimes i question myself, what it mean that Christian should transform? Is this the transform? Maybe i get the idea wrong of Christian being transform.

Maybe this Christmas i will have a foolish wish. I wish that everyone is united, for those single will found their life partner, those student will have the desire to learn more in studies, those who work will enjoy their work and be able to serve the LORD, the Church will continue to ROCK (Reaching Others for Christ Kingdom) (the word ROCK also equavalent to PETRA) and last is i will regain my confident, my never give up desire and to be a better person.

Cant control anymore!!!

2008-12-15T07:02:00.000-08:00

Im not an emotional person but when i read my frens blog. I really cant stand on it. How can a person promise something and fail to do it still can continue to repeat the same mistake over and over again and keep on being forgiven again and again. Although the bible teach us to forgive one another, in this condition who is the one who suffer a lot? The forgiver will feel the most suffer and forgiver will be dissappointed. Although im not in relationship, as for me, i really sympathy that that guy got illness and maybe need to going operation once more. What is important is not that make his behave sad but to have a good memory together with one another walk through the life until the end. If the guy planning dont want to make his behalf sad and want to break up so whatever happened to him, the impact not so great that effect the girl. I want to warn the guy that she will be more sad than still is ur girlfriend. Looking at the love one leave without able to do anything to support or help to gone through meaningful life together. You might think i watch too much movie and movie stuff cant apply to real life. Yes, those purposely make it funny movie i think it is meaningless but some movie really teach us how to reach when something happen. It is not just a make up story, the effect i think u can judge it urself.

It is not easy to start a relationship. I dont have the chance yet but im still able to give more or less advise if needed. I really hope that my frens wont feel sad anymore and will have a wonderful time together with her love 1. If it still feeling sad, maybe one day i might lose control to help even though it is non of my business. Why i do so? because i dont wish to saw my frens sad.

Words from inside

2008-12-07T08:43:00.000-08:00

There is something i wish to know. I feel confuse lately. Something that i dont wish anymore seem like there is a hope of it. I want to know whether that hope is real or not. In the past, i wish to know more but since i cant therefore i give up. After i give up, it seem like another way round that i discover little by little. I still feel confuse about it. I do really wish to give up but why there seem hope about it. Why this things continue to happen? Why not just gone forever when it happened once. I really wish to find the answer but i dont dare to ask. I dont wish that something bad will happened and it keep happening again and again. I dont want to keep finding the way out from a deep maze. I wish i can know the way out. Whether the outcome that i will see something good or bad. Neither one happen i cant control it but at least i know and i hope the result will last forever so i wouldn't keep feeling confuse over it. It is easy for me to be trap in a maze than to get away from the maze. I really want to know the answer rather than let it be.

No longer....

2008-12-01T06:05:00.000-08:00

I no longer have the united feelings. The feeling that will be my source of energy to keep moving forward. It happen when my body, heart, mind and spirit being united to do something. It could be childish thinking or being a naive person but i no longer can have it. My body over tired my mind, my mind over tired of my heart, my heart lazy to move my body. All like not functioning as one complete body. How could i correct myself to be more united? Work so hard this year and at the end it cause me exhaust. What do i really learned from this whole year? This year almost end and the feeling is like beginning of the year is just happened yesterday. I thought that time move very slow but now i realize that i cant catch up time anymore. Time going to be less and less, i still waste my time over and over again doing nothing that benefits others or benefits myself. Is this call beyond limit or i reach my limit? I feel like i cant hold on any longer. Feel like being isolated or move to another path. I no longer can support myself to reach the goal that i set. I really fall on the ground and cant stand up. I feel regret that i didnt walk the right path at the beginning to reach my destination of life.

Very Tired!!!

2008-11-23T03:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my sister wedding dinner at night. During morning time, i consider free because nothing to take care but afternoon need to fetch my mum, my mother sis (I call her Ah Yee) and her daughter (my cousin lo) to take flower and meet my mum small bro (Kau Fu with wife and son) meet at restorant 2020 to take lunch because my Kau Fu just arrived KL from Johor. After that i went home with my mum and Ah Yee follow my Kau Fu car went home.

About 6.00pm we started drive to the restaurant at Pudu call Hei Loi Tang. Before we leave, rain started and feel inconvenient to move to the car because i still need to carry 3 carton. Ahhh why it rain on that time.

At the restaurant, i with my cousin lead those guest to their respective table. I always forget the table numbers and keep asking my cousin. I feel very useless because cant memorize the table no position. After that before the bride and groom come in, i take the chance to take picture with all the guest but some i miss out because they are not together that time and some dont want to take pciture. After wedding dinner, it is about 11.15pm, we drive home. Before i sleep, i finish my movie quantum of solace 007 that i havent finish and after finish is about 12.35am then i go and sleep.

This morning i skip church morning worship, sermon and dicipleship class because i went to my Ah Yee house and carry all the red wine back. Then we go lunch and after lunch went back to the restaurant to take back something left behind and forget to take yesterday. After done everything, we came home and i sleep a whole afternoon until 5. Now i still feel very tired and i havent do my project stuff. Really want to rest but i hope i can finish everything as soon as possible before i sleep. I never thought that i can be this tired.

Reflection

2008-11-12T08:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday i got join cell group but i reach there late because i got something to do. They already started and i just miss one point they talks about Proverbs chapter 2 verse 1 but the second part is about vere 2-4. The second part i feel like God is telling me something important. When i look back my life. Since i enter University. First year first semester, i got some confidence in few subjects becuase i already learned during Form 6. The next semester, something happen and cause me no more confidence in doing anything. From that moment, i begin to study something without learn it. All the while i just study for the purpose to archieve high grade but it doesn't picture myself as a knowledgable person. Sometimes im wondering, a poor in education person like me will deserve to get those grade without learning anything. Proverbs chapter 2 verse 2-4 make me know that if we want to seek something, we have to be like finding hidden treasure. What i mean is, if you want to find hidden treasure, first of all need the hidden treasure map. Study it, analyze it in detail so we will find the best way that lead me to find the treasure. At the same time, we also might think of those trap set to prevent people obtains those treasure. All the while, i just read and memorize notes without really study in deep and question about what,why,when,how on the things i learn. I really waste a lot of time without learning anything. If i realize all this earlier, i wish to change before it really happen. What is pass already pass. I hope that I wouldn't repeat the wrong step that i take. Another things that i wish to change is my heart. I feel heartache when i do something or saw something that i dont wish to do or see. And my emotion change all the time. Why i become so dynamic? Im train to be stable person. I think i didn't learned enough to do in my life. Many things i wish to do such as complete my degree, start my career, get my life partner and give a good life to my parent before they leave this world. I know that im not good at all, i wish I can find new motivation to move my heart to break through all my difficulty. Many know that Im a happy person but im also a cry baby when i alone because i face many difficulty alone and think about my future alone without sharing with others. I know that God is always with us but I fail to keep close with God. My heart always gone astray and my emotion always change. I hope that my emotion, heart and soul will move same direction and push me towards the Goal that God already set for me. Im sorry that im not good at all.

Reach the limit!

2008-11-02T08:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday i just realize that my eye cannot stand looking at bright screen. While i was waiting my sister at Steven Corner to meet up her secondary friends. I when to a cyber cafe nearby and watch people playing games. Then i saw one guy play xtreme super dancer online (XDO) and he play very well. While waiting my sis, so i also play about 30 minutes for that game. I realize that i cant see those note coming and my eye keep blinking. I think my eye reach limit already since everyday i just keep looking at the laptop screen nonstop. It make me difficult to play although i play those song i like and consider easy but i fail to hit the note without miss or bad. I think i cant play this game anymore (onee of my favorite dancing game with song). If i continue like this, i fear that one day i will get blind. I think tomorrow i will start to work at school for my project. I will get to face my laptop screen more and more. Im not sure how long I can stand and i hope that it would hurt so much. Maybe i should rest more everyday after i come back from school without open my laptop but i think, i still open it either watch movie or do other stuff. I know that my eye condition very bad and cant fully heal. All i can do know is try to reduce the damage of my eye. Moreover, it also affect my health. Keep playing with my laptop everyday without exercise. I turn to be more lazy and tired. Hope all this will change so i can have a balance life. That's all what i want to express. I will try to express myself more to improve myself. If possible, learn to be better in using english words without any grammar error. It is late now and tomorrow i need to back to school to be scold by lecturer becuase fail to do the task that had been given. Hiaz......

Kena tagged again by Esther Liew (Small)

2008-10-28T00:54:00.000-07:00

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs.
B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.
C) Continue this game by sending it to other people.

I’ve tagged:
No mood to tag people. Hehe

01. What have you been doing recently?
Watch downloaded movie, do my project stuff (do little only).
02. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
Ya, when i get new phone sure off before sleep to keep my battery life span long but now no
more.
03.What happened at 10.00am today?
Download new movie.
04. When did you last cry?
Not long ago. Forget what date.
05. Believe in fate/destiny?
Ya before I accepted Christ but now no more.
06. What do you want in your life right now?
I want to complete my study.
07. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
If got umbrella sure use.
08. What’s your favourite thing to have on your bed?
Big pillow (double size of normal pillow) but now no more.
09. What bottom are you wearing now?
Sport Pants
10. What’s the nicest text in your inbox say?
Too much, i dont remember.
11. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
No, i tend to make a simple, wonderful, happy relationship with less arguement.
12. Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
No.
13. What was the last movie you caught?
Journey to the center of the earth.
14. What are you proud of?
My Father.
15. What does the oldest message in your inbox says?
-.-" oldest message where can remember. Lazy to search lo.
16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
Run to the altar.
17. Do you have any nicknames?
Sing Yeh (Kids time), Henri (Now).
18. What does your last received text message say?
Bye Bye.
19. What time did you go to bed last night?
12.15 a.m.
20. Are you currently happy?
No.
21. Who gives you best advice?
My mother, Sunday Decipleship Teacher (Vincent).
22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
No.
23. Who did you talk on phone last night?
No.
24. Is anything bugging you right now?
My project.
25. What/who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
A mail by Hannah Hing about blood type character.
26. Do you wear toe socks?
No.
27. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
Esther Liew (Small).
28. Have you ever had your heartbroken?
Yes, but don't know when will recover.
29. What annoys you most in a person?
Smoking.
30. Do you have a crush on anyone?
Yes, but now no more.
31. Have you ever done cocaine?
Haha, drink Coca-Cola, Pepsi or coffee is it considered?
32. What is the colour of your room?
Orange.
33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollar?
No.
34. Do you believe in the saying of : talk is cheap?
Not really. Sometimes invite people talk need a lot of $$$.
35. Who was the last person to lie in your bed?
Nobody except me.
36. Who was the last person to hug you?
My friend (Forget who. wahaha).
37. Did anyone see the last person you kissed?
No.
38. Do you have a life?
I think I don't have life.
39. Have you ever think someone died, when they really didn't die?
No.
40. What is the reason behind your profile song?
My profile don't have song.
41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
Kimberly.
42. Last time you smiled?
Yesterday.
43. Have you changed this year?
Yes.
44. What are you listening right now?
My collection song. Now is English song "Touch My Body - Mariah Carey".
45. Are you talking to someone when you doing this?
No.
46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
Open. I didn't play blind fold game lo.
47. Is there a quote you live by?
No.
48. Do you want someone you cannot have?
Ya.
49. Have you ever played an instrument?
Play piano, organ, frute, triangle, clip-clip but only few times.
50. What was the worst idea you’ve had in this week?
Relationship
51. What are you doing last night at 11pm?
Download movie, chatting, listen to song.
52. Are you happy with your love life right now?
Still single and available (SA). Don't know happy or not my love life.
53. What song best describe your love life?
Miss You, Waiting for you.
54. Does the person know that you like him/her?
Ya. I think.
55. Who always make you laugh?
Friends.
56. Do you speak other language other than English?
Malay, English, Mandarin, Cantonese, Japanese.
57. Favourite website(s)?
gendou.com, georockman.net.
58. What’s your middle name?
Wai.
59. What are you doing tomorrow?
Don't know tomorrow plan. Maybe go Gym.
60. What do you think you are like?
A bird in a cage.
61. Who will you choose to die with?
Can i choose not to die? Die is not a happy things so i wouldn't choose to die with anyone.
62. Where have you been today?
My house, Pos Office, Car dealer shop.
63. What game do you play often?
Big 2.5, Dark Warrior
64. Who are you missing right now?
Someone who i like.
65. If you have to choose between friend and love, who will you choose?
Force to choose then love lo.
66. What are you doing right now?
Isit duplicate question, answering the rest of the questions.
67. Which primary school are you from?
1-2 SK Taman Segar, 3 SK Taman Muda, 4 SM Pandan Indah, 5-6 SK Pandan Indah.
68. Name 3 colours that you like?
White, Pink and Blue.
69. What emotion you like to show?
Happy.
70. What is your life to you?
Zero.
71. If you have something troubling you, what will you do?
Find solution or do nothing.
72. Who did you last chat in msn today?
Ritchie and Sin Huey.
73. Who do you admire most?
My Father.
74. Which month are you born in?
December.
75. How are you feeling right now?
Sad, lost and lonely.
76. What is the time now?
4.48 pm.
77. What kind of person do u think the one who tagged you is?
Esther Liew (Small) a friend i know this year at Sunday Decipleship Class. She is a
hardworking girl.
78.What colour did you use to dye hair?
Green.
79. Why are you doing this test?
Just killing time waiting to finish download movie.
80. What do you do when you’re moody?
Play games, listen music.
81. At which age you wish to get married?
21 (Kids time), 25 or 27 (Current. If I got girlfriend).
82. Who is more important to you?
God, family and friends.
83. If today is the last day of your life, what will you do?
Walk around the place i went before, meet back all my friend as much as possible, meet my
family member, and tell my feeling to the person i like.
84. Who is the person you trust the most?
God, family and friends.
85. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?
Yes, saw many times although not frequent.
86. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
Have my own private school with all the sport facilities and good education system.
87. What is your goal for this year?
Beyond limit i think.
88. Do you believe in eternity love?
Yes.
89. What feeling do you love most?
Be with someone i know and be with the one i love.
90. Do you really think its Global Warming now?
Sure, weather turning hot compare to child age.
91.What feeling do you hate the most?
Being cheated like a fool.
92. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Yes.
93. Do you believe in God?
Yes.
94. Who cares for you most?
My mom.
95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
God, family, friends and life.
96. What will you bring when you fight?
Bazooka (Hehe).
97. What have you done regretted doing in your whole life?
Didn't study well during childhood time.
98. What would you feel if no one no longer cares for you?
Learn to take care of myself with God help.
99. What if your boyfriend/girlfriend two-timed you?
Might forgive him depend on what is the situation.
100. HOW DO U FEEL NOW?
Yes! Continue to wait movie to be downloaded.

Long way to go

2008-10-16T02:41:00.000-07:00

After delay for so many days, today I finally start moving my hand to do the task that had been assigning to me. At first, I really struggle about where and how to start because I’m not familiar with the language that I use in doing this task. One more thing is that all the file where I should put it. The development environment very different if I use the language that I familiar with. I try to search the solution to it and I found many answers. Not all answer work perfectly, some comment that have error and some comment it works! I don’t wish to damage my computer if I done a mistake in configure the setting because I’m not good at it. I don’t have confidence to make sure everything work well. I have a friend who tell me before, “To make different between you and others, you must do something that other can’t do”. I really appreciate the advice and I wish I can be the one but I don’t dare to try. Until this moment, I have complete the login interface but the checking haven’t done because lack of database connection. I still finding the way to make it connect and be usable anytime. Haiz, I need more wisdom and support.

10 promises to my dog

2008-10-05T04:47:00.000-07:00

I just finish watch the movie 10 promises to my dog. It is a shochiku production. The story mainly about a dog (Golden Retriever) name Socks because his right hand is white color like wearing socks being adopt and accompany his master a girl name Akari. When Akari is about 14 years old, her father is a doctor and very busy on his work while her mother got illness and not survive any longer. One day, Akari discover a puppy (Young Socks) went into her the house garden (small size) and she adopt it. Later she bring the dog to see her mother in the hospital. Her mother told her the 10 promises should make to Socks (Those 10 promises i already posted previously) and Akari agree it.

Day by day, Akari very happy play with Socks until one day, she have to leave Socks to her friend house because her father being transfer to another hospital and the apartment they stay cannot adopt any dogs. Later her friend with his family went to another country and leave Socks alone at house. Socks able to run away and try to find Akari but fail and went into a train. The train driver later contact Akari father and they quickly went to train station to take Socks into their apartment silently. Then her father quit his job and open a clinic and move back to the old house. Later Akari become 23, she always enjoy with her friends and sometimes leave Socks alone in the house and let her father take care of it.

After she graduated, at the age 24, she found a job work as a zoo keeper. She leave the house and stay in the hostel nearby because the place she work is far away from her house. Socks started to feel tired and unable to move. Then Akari know it, her boss ask her to go back and she went home quickly. When she reach home and saw Socks lay on the floor, her father give her a sketch book that left by her mother and she open it and saw picture draw by her mother about 10 promises. She see it one by one.

10 Promises

1. Give me time to understand what you want of me.
2. Place your trust in me. It's crucial to my well-being.
3. Be aware that however you treat me I'll never forget.
4. Before you scold me for being lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me.
5. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your voice when it's speaking to me.
6. Remember before you hit me, I have teeth that could hurt you, but that I choose not to bite you.
7. Take care of me when I get old.
8. You have your work, your entertainment, and your friends. I have only you.
9. My life is likely to last 10 years. Any seperation from you will be painful for me.
10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember I love you ...

She feel sad when she see promise number 7 onwards and feel sorry to Socks because she cant fulfill it. After that, Socks past away. At the end of the story she get married with her small kid friend and END. This move really touching and a meaningful movie. Hope that to those who owned any pets know how to be responsible to their pets.

The theme song for that movie also very meaningful. It is a japanese song sing by BoA. I posted the english translation so whoever read this able to understand the meaning.

BoA - Be With You

walking next to you on this road with the sakura leaves dancing
the wind is chilly but for some reason i’m happy
one day changes into the next as we take one step after another
the time that we spend together is like second nature to me

do you remember that promise we made one day?
it’s okay that i believe that one day it’ll be fulfilled, isn’t it?
it’s the reason i’m staying here with you

coming to a standing halt, you absorb the blue sky
with a calm expression and the wind enveloping you.
a single second is really longer than it seems,
i’m sure i feel that way because you’re by my side.

do you remember that promise we made one day?
even if that promise hasn’t been fulfilled, it’s still precious so
that’s why i’m with you

it’s common belief that this era yields no hope
i’m anxious about what’s coming but because you’re here with me… (i can face it)

do you remember that promise we made one day?
one day when it’s fulfilled we’ll have forged a deeper bond and so
that is why the both of us are here

Tagged (-_-")

2008-10-03T04:38:00.000-07:00

tagged by hannah ...

starting rime [ 7.36PM ]
name [ henri]
sisters [ jenny]
brothers [ no brother ]
shoe size [ 8 ]
where do you live [ KL ]
favourite drink [ jasmine tea ]
favourite breakfast [ western food ]
have you been on a plane [ yes ]
swam in the ocean [ no ]
broken someone's heart [ errm i dono, maybe yes gua ]
fallen asleep in school [ no ]
fell of your chair [ no]
sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call [ no one calls me]
saved e-mails [ i didn't save but keep in my contact list ]
what is your room like [ little messy ]
what is the last thing you ate [ homemade dishes ]

ever had

chicken pox [ no ]
stitches [ no ]
broken nose [ no ]
do you believe in love at first sight [ yes ]
like picnics [ one a while ]
who was the last person you danced with [ thai woman while i having dinner with my thailand boss on small ship during internship]
last person who made you smile [ can i keep it as my secret. Hehe ]

today did you

talked to someone you like [ no ]
kissed anyone [ nope ]
get sick [ still can hold it ]
talked to an ex [ no, no chance to have gf ]
missing someone [ yes ]
best feeling in the world [ freedom ]
do you sleep with stuffed animals [ no,I don't have any animal at home]
what's under your bed [ floor]
what time is now [ 7.44pm]

random

is there a person on your mind right now [ ya ]
do you want children [ yup ]
do you smile often [ during happy moment or saw something funny ]
what colour shirt are you wearing [ blue ]
when did you cry last [ almost cry consider? After i know my exam result ]
are you a friendly person [ yup ]
where is the person you have feelings for right now [ haiz, around my area lo ]
do you eat healthy [ not really ]
do you still have pictures with you and your ex [ no ex]
have you ever cried because of something someone said to you [ yes ]
if you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to [ walk around ]
are you loud or quiet most of the time [ quiet ]
are you confident [ no more ]

5 thing i was doing ten years ago

[ enjoy playing can soccer with friends ]
[ meet back some of my primary school friends]
[ stay at home, always ]
[ go to my friend birthday party ]
[ play and study at school ]

5 snacks i enjoy

pringles
ferrero rocher
dry laichee
sandwich
yao yu si

5 things i would do if i were a billionaire

buy a mercedes benz for my mother
buy a banglo and live there
build a private school like japan school with the most facilities
give 20% back to God
invest in R&D for more advancce technology in solar system

5 of my bad habits

not often gel my hair
didn't wear nice when go out
didn't read books
late sleep
forgetful

5 places i've lived in

taman muda
taman connaught
taman muda
pandan indah
seri kembangan (in future)

5 people that you tag

esther
hannah
darren
kenneth
wai loon

Result OUT!!!!!

2008-09-30T05:08:00.000-07:00

Today my friend told me that result already out. First impression is scare because this time exam I feel I didn't do well. I feel scare to open UTAR portal and I don't know what is my result would be, either pass or fail, and every click i make, i feel more scare about it. After login and click on the result page, i slowly scroll down to the bottom page because the result will show on the bottom. I scroll one by one and i saw first 2 result i get pass, then i scroll all down and i saw all pass. I feel releave after that because i thought one or two subject that I dont have confident on it get pass. Although the grade i haven't know but i'm satisfy that i pass all subject. The rest will know later. Now onwards, i can do whatever i want without getting scold by my parent. I don't want they scold me because i do this and that which affect me get fail result. Tomorrow is Hari Raya and i wish everyone will enjoy their holiday and I will go to my mother hometown at Perak with my sister and her husband. Selamat Hari Raya and Aidilfitri to everyone.

Exam is OVER!!!!

2008-09-21T04:34:00.001-07:00

After 2 weeks exam and now finally exam end. This time feel very happy and satisfy although I think i may fail few subjects and take suppliment paper or I will get bad result but my heart already feel nothing. Next week will be Movie Fever week for me because i'm going to finish all the movie i havent watch. Wahaha.

10 promises from the movie "10 Promises to My Dog"

2008-09-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

1. Give me time to understand what you want of me.
2. Place your trust in me. It's crucial to my well-being.
3. Be aware that however you treat me I'll never forget.
4. Before you scold me for being lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me.
5. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your voice when it's speaking to me.
6. Remember before you hit me, I have teeth that could hurt you, but that I choose not to bite you.
7. Take care of me when I get old.
8. You have your work, your entertainment, and your friends. I have only you.
9. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any seperation from you will be painful for me.
10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember I love you ...

Nice song by Don Moen

2008-09-09T08:07:00.000-07:00

Psalm 23

Jesus, my shepherd and only provider
He makes me lie down in green pastures
He leads me beside the still water
He restores my soul

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me
All the days of my life
And I will dwell in this house forever
Until the end of time

Jesus, my shepherd and only provider
You make me lie down in green pastures
You lead me beside the still water
You restore my soul

Though I walk through the valley of shadows
I will not be afraid
Your rod and staff are my only comfort
And You'll be with me always

You prepared a table before me In the presences of my enemies
And you anoint my head with oil And my cup overflows
My cup overflows with your love With your love

Jesus, my shepherd and only provider
You make me lie down in green pastures
You lead me beside the still water
You restore my soul

Exam coming soon!!

2008-09-07T05:42:00.000-07:00

This is my first time write blog in blogspot. Well my exam is coming soon and hope can finish do revision in 2 days time. Hope my CGPA wouldn't drop so i can do my best to archieve my target point. Not only myself taking this exam, my others friends who having their school exam like PMR, SPM, STPM and other college as well. Hope everyone can archieve what they want to archieve and good luck to all of them. GAMBATEH!!! UahHaZipZapFuyoh.